The Art Of Conversation

Ok. It is a widely accepted fact that women in general love to talk. That really does not mean we are incapable of listening or that we don’t like to though. Whether or not we want to listen is an entirely different matter, just the same as it is for guys but seriously, is it that hard to speak up?

I have recently found myself experiencing the strong, silent type and I must say that they kinda weird me out. What starts off as a get-to-know-you chat soon becomes chatter as I run through my stories in a desperate attempt to make conversation. I happen to hate awkward silences. Comfortable ones amongst friends are great but having a date sit and stare at me isn’t.

My last experience of this was with a guy I had corresponded with via email and then later, over the phone. We decided to meet up but face-to-face, there was just no chemistry. At least not for me. I actually have no idea about him though because for a while, he sat there just looking at me with a smile on his face. He did tell me he liked listening to me (and looking at me obviously) but he didn’t seem interested in actually talking to me. I don’t get it.

At one point I mentioned that I felt I had done most of the talking. His response was ‘well you haven’t asked me anything’. Ok. Fair call I suppose. But in my opinion – I shouldn’t have to. Not the whole time. A conversation is where each party involved makes a contribution. For example, I tell a story and someone responds with one of their own, a comment about what I’ve said or a request for further information. In an ideal situation, they don’t just sit there watching me.

Now in my quest for answers, I have asked for people’s thoughts and some have suggested that I am intimidating, that guys are generally nervous and that sometimes people just don’t know what to say so they say nothing. In regards to the first, I possibly am although I try not to be. Beyond that I can’t do much. When it comes to the second, well this happens to everybody and it can work to your advantage unless you let it control you. But as for the third, my advice is to just open your mouth and go for it.

If you take the time to listen to someone, you should also be able to read their body language and see what they like talking about and what they don’t. If they are telling stories, they will likely be about friends, family, colleagues, pets or travel. You can possibly return with a similar one of your own or come up with an open-ended question that shows you are interested and have been listening. You could ask someone’s thoughts on a topic that interests you or you could always resort to 20 questions if you have to but please guys – say something!