Something Stupid

So I’ve noticed that since we have gotten to the pointy end of the wedding planning business, the arguments animated discussions we have been engaging in have become a whole lot more stupid. So stupid in fact that we are now finding that after we have opened communication over the initial point of difference (read exchange somewhat bitchy comments and complaints), we sometimes find ourselves shifting off topic till we can’t actually remember what we were so desperately trying to make understood by the other person in the first place. Either that or the conversation progresses to the point where we are both either defending or attacking exactly the same point, albeit in slightly different language. We have loads of ‘discussions’ about semantics, trust me. The other night was a classic example (of the former, not so much the latter) where the conversation had deteriorated and each rebuttal was getting a little more personal. We were both tired and frustrated and The Boy was in mid diatribe about how unaccommodating and unreasonable I was when I lost it. I burst out laughing.

Initially, I had been right on top of that high horse of mine. I was trying to write something for the program and when I asked The Boy (who had been lying down with his eyes closed throughout most of the process) what he thought, he read it and said that he didn’t like it because he thought it sounded a bit crass. I was a bit hurt by that but tried to explain what I was going for and ask if he had any other suggestions however the conversation quickly went nowhere. I figured that was my cue that it was time to go to bed. We have hit this wall before and rather than beating my head up against it, I thought I would quite reasonably wait til we were both fresh before we tried to finish it. Since The Boy was still flaked out on the bed, I then shut down the lap top and got up to put it away. That was my story. The Boy’s was a little more along the lines of: ‘I knew we needed to do this but you just started work on the program without consulting me or even talking to me and I sat here feeling useless and like I should be doing something to help but not knowing what. Then you asked me what I thought after you’d already gone and appeared to have finished part of it and when I didn’t think it was really appropriate you got in a huff and just walked off without a word. You made the decision that the discussion was over and didn’t give me a second thought’.

The actual conversation that ensued from these viewpoints was obviously a little more heated. I pretty much blasted him for having a double standard and not giving me the benefit of the doubt. I honestly felt I did the things he accused me of not doing and didn’t do the things he thought I did. I also had no idea that he was resenting me whilst I was sitting there typing stuff out because he didn’t say a word to me whilst I was doing it and I’m not a mind reader. When he rolled over and looked like he was going to sleep, I wasn’t thinking hey, he really wants to be involved in this boring part of the process. I got in trouble for putting words in his mouth of course because he never said he was unhappy with me for typing up the program or that he resented me for taking over the lap top to do it (to which I complained that how else was I supposed to interpret “I felt completely useless” while you “just took over” the computer!). Throughout the course of the discussion he had a go at me though for my lack of consideration and communication when I wanted to call it a night and then the conversation got round to that age old gambit from the The Boy – what the hell do you want from me?!?

Apparently, if The Boy calms down and tries to speak in a reasonable tone, he gets in trouble for being passive-aggressive and I bite back and if he loses it and has a full on argument with me, I bite back harder and he can’t win. He thinks I act like its my way or the highway sometimes and that more often than not its just me who is being unfair. He looked so pissed off as he was giving me this huge dressing down. He wasn’t raising his voice but it was a very hardly done by and impassioned plea for me to get enough backbone and just for once in my god-forsaken life to back down first and say ‘I’m sorry, this is my fault and I was wrong’. He was so seriously riled and mad at me and it started with a small smile that quickly broke into a laugh because I thought it was hilarious. Fortunately The Boy had mostly run out of steam at that point and this broke the tension rather than creating more. He could see the humour in the situation as well and we both apologised for being complete tools. Its never really fun having arguments but hopefully (since I am not naive enough to assume that I won’t have many in the future) they all end up pretty much like this one.