Something That We Do

Sometimes I really wish I could write well. I wish I could write like great speech writers write. I wish I could write poetry that would move people. I wish I could make others laugh more easily than not and oddly enough, I also wish I could make people cry. Not in a bad way of course but in an ‘oh my God that so totally touched me I teared up’ kind of way. In fact, right now I wish I had something awesome to write as part of a wedding gift I want to give one of my best friends. I always run into this problem when its time to sign cards or write messages and it would be so much easier if the words would just come to me easily and I didn’t have to think about stealing somebody elses. Trouble is that some people say things so much better than I ever could.

I find myself at the moment trying to find songs where I think the sentiment actually represents a particular situation and quotes (or perhaps passages) that embody the kind of relationship a good marriage would be. I’m not getting as far as I’d like with it although some ideas are coming together. This was pretty much after I remembered the song ‘Something That We Do’ by Clint Black. I think this is one of the most beautiful songs and I have not yet tired of hearing it. It’s a slow ballad and the kind of song that I would love to have sung to me by a guy who can sing and play guitar. It talks about love and the things that it isn’t because, as the song goes, its something that we do. But then music can really do it for me. I went to see The Lion King on stage in Hamburg and I cried in some of the happy songs because I was overwhelmed.

Anyway, poetry and music don’t really appeal to some people so I have also been looking around the net at the way people refer to relationships and partners. Some things out there definitely give me hope for society. There are those who unabashedly proclaim their love for others or who can eloquently communicate the strength and depth of their relationship. Unfortunately though, there is a lot more whinging and complaining on the whole. I suppose that’s the nature of the beast though. Its possibly more entertaining to read and doubtless easier to criticise but I sometimes wonder whether it actually helps to cause some problems. Do people read about others’ discontent and start questioning their own relationships as a result? Do they ever think that if someone else feels that way, why shouldn’t I?

After reading a post on the starfish phenomenon and whether you can do anything about it, I came to a couple of comments that mentioned the ‘mates before dates’ philosophy. It was suggested that women especially worry about this and about becoming locker room conversation (which is not really without cause if you’ve read some of these forums). My point here is that it can be hard to make yourself vulnerable when there are so many negative examples out there of how things could end up. With all the criticisms, ideals and impossible standards being thrown out left, right and centre, I think anyone could be forgiven for feeling as though they’ll never measure up. So if love is something that you do but you don’t see that much of it, does it mean theres not as much out there?

Something Missing

Do you ever find yourself feeling as though something is just missing? Things might look right or normal or good even but theres that voice in the back of your mind that whispers something is not what it should be? I hate that feeling. Mostly because when I have that feeling, I’m right. And as much as I like being right (and I know I’m not the only one out there), it can be a pain in the neck. Because then you have to do something. It ought to be much easier to ignore what you wish would go away. I mean I’ve managed to live in a house with 5 boys for about a year and if I could ignore the near perpetual state of the kitchen I should be able to ignore anything right? Maybe not.

I’ve been thinking about this recently because I was kind of seeing someone towards the end of last year. At first I didn’t want to write about it here and then I wasn’t sure how I’d want to write about it. So I didn’t. Obviously. And now I’m not writing about it so much as why I felt it ended. I think for both of us there was just something missing. I’m not sure how you’d define it but whatever it was, it wasn’t there. Things that should have been easy seemed to take too much effort and things that should have been a no-brainer didn’t just happen. I know relationships are about compromise and communication and these things don’t necessarily just happen overnight but there are things that should happen eventually.

I’m still not quite sure whether I expected too much or too little. Maybe I just expected something I shouldn’t have. I was reading a post the other day where the writer was struck my the remark made to her that perhaps she was single as she tried to view her relationships as ones where the function was to entertain and be entertained in return. That made me wonder whether I might possibly have done the same thing myself. I’m not sure. I remember thinking that we talked less when we were supposedly together than when we weren’t. I think I also felt that at times we weren’t so much spending time together as time beside each other which didn’t work for me either. But then things also look a little different when you’re removed from the situation.

At the time I was worrying about it and losing sleep and pretty much making a bigger deal out of it than was necessary. Everything sort of worked itself out in the end though after I discovered that what wasn’t working for me wasn’t really working for him either. I stopped ignoring the feeling that something was missing and we talked about it. Maybe it was a timing thing. Maybe we both didn’t want it enough at the time or maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Everything teaches you something though so I’m kind of hoping I’ve come off a little wiser. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.