If The Shoe Fits

Ok, so who was the bright spark who decided that it was a great idea to buy a wedding dress in an obscure colour huh? I mean its all very well to want to be a little bit more original and to not be frocked up in the traditional white or the ubiquitous shades of ivory but really...If you’re still wearing a “wedding dress”, why couldn’t it be a more common shade? Choosing “Antique” for the colour of the dress was just silly. How are you supposed to find accessories to match that!?!

Now its either a mark of how tired I have been recently or how much the little details of the wedding have been starting to wig me out but I am actually dreaming about some of this stuff now. But I didn’t have one of those dreams where I start walking down the aisle to the shocked expressions of all our friends and family because I have forgotten to put on my wedding gown and am in fact buck naked. No. I have a dream about walking down the aisle in my dress which is now mysteriously about 7 inches shorter than it used to be so that you can see I am wearing a pair of low heeled metallic pewter courts from the 80’s with white bobby socks. A combination which is more than worthy of being pulled up by the fashion police. Or anyone with any aesthetic sensibilities whatsoever.

So apparently I have issues about shoes. Who’d have thought? And to add insult to injury, whilst looking for the wedding shoes (which we now are), its not just the right colour that we have to find either. There are a number of other considerations that have to be taken into account. The first of which being, I am not allowed to wear 3 ½ inch heels. I can’t remember exactly how tall I am but for a woman, I’m definitely not short. Therefore, 3 ½ inches worth of heels will in turn make me 3 ½ inches taller than I already am and as I have been told, that is just too tall. Now I know that this is not supposed to matter these days but it so does. Not to everyone sure but I was both sexist and sizeist when it came to choosing my partner in life – so sue me.

The next thing on my list is closed toes. I can see some of the males I know going “what the..?” but its really not a complicated concept. It is merely the absence of ridiculous and girly, strappy pieces of footwear making my feet look like I’ve tried to cut off all circulation. There is also the added benefit that in winter, if I have to walk over wet ground it will keep my feet a little drier and I have the option of wearing stockings with impunity. I probably think far too much but I am of the opinion that its kind of tacky to wear stockings if you can see the seem that runs around the toes. Its kind of like wearing tights with a skirt where the waistband of the tights rests higher than that of the skirt and is clearly visible. There seems to be a general consensus amongst male youth that its cool to flash your underwear from underneath your pants but it doesn’t really fit the dress code of a wedding.

Of course, no one is actually supposed to be looking at my feet and the dress touches the floor as it is so this all sounds like a lot of bother over nothing. As long as I stick to something fairly flat, you’d never know what I had on under the dress. I did actually run the idea of thongs past The Boy though which I could do for free cause I already own them but he said no.