The Price We Pay

Well the wedding has been on again, off again recently. Not because either one of us (or both of us) have decided not to do it at all and live in sin for the rest of our lives or alternately have busted up in a spectacular display of fireworks and have declared never speak to the other one again, but rather that next year might not be the best time. Two people who are important to us will be overseas and it seems that we can only get one of them home. We are also in a frustrating financial situation of theoretically having money that we can’t actually utilise. Because I have felt slightly pushed into a date next year, I have been in turns difficult, surly, negative and just plain annoying. The bridezilla in me was apparently manifesting not in an obsession to have everything done exactly as I wanted and in the manner of my choosing but rather in my reluctance to get at all excited about the wedding cause nothing was “right”.

What made matters worse was that I really wanted to vent because I was upset but that only distressed everyone else. My fiancée was cut up because he could not give me everything that I wanted as were my family because they felt they ought to be giving me more of what I wanted I guess. When people have asked me about the wedding as they are wont to do (its like an ice breaker or something and will probably be asked up until the time we are actually married – then people will want to know if I’m pregnant yet!), I’ve told people that I have definitely not reached the fun part yet. I’ve told people that I’m not enjoying all the interviews and appointments and bridal fairs and website browsing at all. Its been slightly tedious and depressing at times really and the whole not being a sugar puff bride thing has not been working in my favour. I make sarcastic jokes because its my way to deal with it but for those close to me, its quite hard to hear.

Its never easy to admit you were wrong or that you should have handled something better. And truth be told, the whole wedding thing has been getting slightly better over the past couple of weeks. I’m not exactly ready to sing from the top of the trees or anything and I don’t think my levels of excitement will ever quite match those of my fiancée – go figure that out – but I am now happy with the idea of holding the wedding next year. Waiting the additional months will not make me significantly happier than I would be the following year and as a couple, we’re probably better off not spending as much as we would if we waited either. I also want to be married. My hesitation was never about the marriage itself, only the wedding. So yeah, I’m trying to put Bridezilla back in her box and remember that its not all about me.

As I have been frequently told by my little sister (in jest of course), this wedding is all about her!