Four Little Words

People joke that in order for males to understand anything, you have to speak slowly, in short sentences and in words of one syllable. Whilst it’s possible that these guidelines may facilitate the ability to get an idea or a request across - to anybody - it seems to make for some very scary sentences. Especially for guys. There are several sets of four little words which women are inclined to use and which men apparently rarely want to hear.

I’m talking here about things like ‘what do you want?’ and ‘what do you think?’. These questions are often minefields for those who are unaware of why the questions are being asked. It is entirely possible that they should be taken at face value. It is also possible however, that when in reference to something concrete, like the size of one’s behind for example, they may not be the only questions being asked. And things get a little more complicated again when people start referring to the abstract ie. the status of relationships.

Another question which is quite straight forward but reasonably terrifying for many people is ‘do you love me?’. There are actually only two real answers available to you here as it is not an open question but I’ll go you odds that most people still opt for ‘c’ or ‘none of the above’. I mean first of all you have to figure out whether you can in fact answer the question, which for some is much easier said than done. Then you probably end up asking yourself a whole swag of other questions like ‘what do they want to hear?’, ‘what will happen if I answer this way?’, and ‘is this actually what I want?’. And I’m sure the list goes on.

Perhaps one of the most common patterns of four little words though, and one that rarely bodes well at all, is not actually a question. It’s that statement (which often seems to inspire a four letter word actually - even if it is unvoiced), ‘we need to talk’. Its trite and cliché and I must confess that I am thoroughly disgusted at myself for having uttered it recently. I think it’s an appalling way to start a conversation but I felt uncomfortable and it just came out. Oh well, I never said I was perfect. And by way of cheques and balances, I recently had a front row seat to watch a man behaving badly so I don’t feel I’ve let the team down too much.

Having said that though, I am endeavouring not to do it again and I do aim to keep my scary questions to a minimum. After all, they do say do unto others as you would have them do unto you.