You Bet Your Bottom Dollar

So once again Australia has celebrated that gambling time of year. Actually, to be honest, we really have two gambling times of the year. Some of us like to put money on the toss of a coin around ANZAC day which, lets face it, is far better odds than betting on horses. Bet on horses we do however, on the first Tuesday of November. Whether we’re old or young, filthy rich or not so, for some reason the Melbourne cup is a great excuse for all the men to dress up in their Sunday best, for all the women to deck themselves out in silly hats and for everyone in the nation to have a little (or a large) flutter. And I think that the way that you gamble could say a lot about the way you approach your life and therefore your relationships. I’m not sure exactly what that is though so I’m just going to speculate for the hell of it.

First of all, there are those of us who play the field a little bit. The ones who hedge their bets, do not put all their eggs in the one basket, keep their options open, cover their bases and all those other clichés that are vaguely annoying. These people rarely back horses to win but rather to place or even better to show. This kind of bet is for those less concerned with the prize than the fact that there is one. They just want to win something. Possibly like a wallflower who just wants to have a dance. And then of course there are those of us that want to win everything. These are the people who bet on the nose. They want to study the guide, watch the horses and be aware of how the weather will affect the track and the participants. These ‘betters’ are ambitious and aggressive (like a car salesman) or just plain full of faith and hope (like a bad car salesman). They dive in head first cause if their gamble does pay off, the dividends will be well worth the risk.

For those who need a bit more of a challenge, or a bit more of a return, there is the option of placing one bet on several horses. Naming the nags that will come first, second and third, and getting it right, is guaranteed to bring in the big bucks for a small outlay. Your chances of hitting the jackpot are I think rather small but you just never know and it may well be worth a shot. This is a bold gamble though and I tend to associate it with people who think they know everything. Now this is of course actually a load of bollocks. There are many reasons and amounts to bet just as there are many ways. Just because you enter sweeps or bet on several horses each way because you can’t decide which one you think will win does not mean you’re an indecisive tramp. I like to think of myself as the very occasional decided flirt*.

*and just to clarify something here, also because it came up in my office today, flirting does not necessarily mean coming onto someone, I see it more as the universal art of making people feel good about themselves.

It'll Cost But A Penny

Well I have been a bit slack recently. Again. A few things have been going on over the past couple of weeks which I am still processing, and a few other things have not (namely the internet connection at home which I am glad to say is back now). I have actually started various posts along the way but have in effect finished nothing – which doesn’t help when it comes to posting something. I actually started the main part of this post a couple of weeks ago but wasn’t really happy with it because I thought it was a little sappy and trite in parts. To be honest, I still think that but have obviously posted it anyway. At the very least, it more or less was what I thought at the time. I’m not sure its even worth a penny though…

I can live without the gut feeling that comes when you know someone is holding back and ‘not’ talking to you. Those times when you’d really prefer to be by yourself. The frustration you have when you’re aware that something is wrong but you have no idea how to fix it. Those seemingly insignificant words or gestures that hurt more than you thought they could. The times you swear you are not waiting for the phone to ring although you really are. The fear that you’re going to disappoint someone or cause pain you never intended. Wondering if you are really going in two different directions because you’re not at all sure they understand you. Wanting something you can’t have. Being asked for something you can’t give. Having a multitude of questions and a shortage of answers.

I miss effortlessly falling into step with someone as you walk down the street. The sensation of having fingers not my own running through my hair. Being able to reach out and touch someone to make that physical connection that says I’m glad you’re here and I care. Having someone seek you out just to hear the sound of your voice. Seeing that slow smile and sparkle in their eye which means they know exactly what you’re thinking because they’re thinking it too. Someone who’ll slow dance you around the kitchen because they love any excuse to hold you. Getting a neck massage when I’m tired. That smell that your body somehow recognises before your brain does and it leaves a warmth in your heart. The potential for those achingly perfect moments that you wish could last a lifetime.

I want that falling feeling as opposed to that sinking feeling. The balance and ease that seems to come to some couples. The comfort and familiarity you find as you build something that will last. Someone who can make me laugh till my sides ache. Someone who will let me listen to my music and watch my DVDs even if they hate them. To find excitement and potential inside a routine. Someone who pushes, grounds, inspires and entertains. A supplement as well as compliment. The missing half, the perfect match, the soul mate, the one. Integrity, loyalty, generosity and everything else on the list. Someone who ticks only the right boxes and none of the wrong ones. Not to mention someone who makes me feel good.

I would like to be happy in life. I would like to know that the future holds good things. I would actually like a lot of things that I will have to work for and that no one can guarantee. Knowing what to go after however is perhaps part of the battle. So at least having some thoughts is better than none.