He's Just Not That Into You

A couple of weeks ago I was pointed towards an article in the New York Times. Last week, I found a remarkably similar one in the Sydney Morning Herald. We Australians are nothing if not with the times obviously. Anyway, it would seem that the popularity of the Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo book may be reaching our shores and for many, it may contain a lesson worth learning. Or does it?

The book entitled ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ is said to be the ‘no-excuses guide to understanding men’. It answers those questions about why he doesn’t call when he says he will (been there), why he seems to back off after a really great date (met a guy who’s done that), why he wants to see you only when he’s drunk (I learnt that one the hard way) and all the other seemingly inexplicable things that men do. Basically, it all boils down to the fact that he’s just not that into you. Well, ‘Duh!’ you might say now, but that wasn’t quite what I was thinking then.

At the time it often seems much easier to make excuses for things that don’t go the way we want. Maybe he’s wary of commitment. Maybe he doesn’t want to seem too keen. Maybe he is actually crazy busy or maybe there’s been a terrible accident during which his mobile was stolen and he was hit on the head leaving him only able to remember your sweet face but not your surname or the ability to use the white pages and the internet. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but you get the point.

To many of us it would seem that anything is better than believing we are not wanted, yet that is what this book is asking us to accept. And apparently some women are lapping it up. Because if you look at it in this light, when things don’t work out, it’s not your fault. The book I gather, doesn’t go into why he’s not into you – like the fact that you could be a psychotic, violent, paranoid strumpet – it merely states that you should be okay if he isn’t interested. It assures women that they are ‘super hot’ and ‘foxy’ and that men are the ones who are ‘selfish jerks’ and ‘really big freaks’.

So it appears you get the good with the bad. Being able to take a step back and take stock of a situation to realise that maybe he isn’t into you, is I think a very good thing (its something I should have done before I’ll admit). Encouraging women to perpetuate the all-men-are-bastards and the I-am-the-victim-here mentality is asking for trouble though. As one of the articles said, the questions of how a woman breaks off a relationship, the consideration used and the way she feels afterwards are never entertained. But despite all that, the general message does still hold. Maybe he is just not that into you.