JBY Will Leave You DOA

There are copious amounts of dating tips and advice columns out there and almost all of them seem to preach the Just Be Yourself model for establishing relationships. Whether you’re trying to meet someone or date someone, if you can Just Be Yourself then everything else will fall into place. Well, today I found an article that said this is about the worst thing you could possibly do. The weird part is that some of it made sense.

Now this article was primarily written for guys, by a guy. It referred to the JBY method as utterly ridiculous, potentially damaging and lazy, and claimed that being a Don Juan was not about being yourself but rather about becoming the person that you want to be. It also suggested that the main problem with the JBY approach was that it gave people an excuse to both do nothing and change nothing. And to a certain extent, the author had a point.

Most of us understand that relationships take effort and compromise, yet we still behave as ourselves, in all our unvarnished glory, and wonder sometimes why it doesn’t work out. Now the author wasn’t claiming that you should try to be someone you’re not but that you should put a concerted effort into the image you present to others. Women he asserted, know how to play the game well, having constantly researched, studied and practiced since they were old enough to read. That’s why they control most of their relationships. That’s what has to change.

The article didn’t quite put it like that actually but it did seem to be the underlying message. The author appeared to feel that too many guys were making complete fools of themselves and it was time for all the Non Juans out there to become Don Juans. He then used the analogy of Michael Jordan who became one of the greatest basketball players in history through much practice and self-improvement. Not by merely being himself.

Whilst I found the tone of the article somewhat offensive at times (probably much like what some males feel about how I write I guess), I could see where he was coming from. I think he made a lot of sweeping generalisations as I can vouch for having the same issues with confidence, confusion and conversational strategies that males do but I too would support people putting their best foot forward instead of the warts and all approach. And if that means you don’t JUST be yourself, then maybe it could be a good thing.