Going For Gold

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if flirting was an olympic sport? Odds, on, probably not but now that the question has been raised, do you think that you would be awarded points for technique or merely for the outcome? Would it be like your high school math tests where you could get marks for demonstrating the right approach even though you didn't end up exactly where you had hoped to or would the winner be determined by whomever managed to actually hook up and in the shortest possible time?

And just to clarify a few points here, by flirting, I don't mean tricking people or using them and by hooking up, I don't mean finding someone to go home with or even spend the rest of your life with. Flirting is a skill we all use to make other people feel good and to make them interested in knowing us. It just so happens that it is also damn fine way to get a date but you may just want someone to take a little more notice of you. You may want to make a new friend or just see someone else smile but that is occasionally easier said than done.

The best flirts are actually those people who can do it without thinking and without exerting obvious pressure on those around them. They are the people who know how to set up a physical rapport with someone. They know when to mirror body language, how to send positive signals and where to put their hands during conversation. Great flirts also know how to use language and vocabulary in order to identify with another person. They realise that the subtle things can make a big difference and are aware of how to use that to their advantage.

People conversant in the art of flirting are those who often have a high level of self-confidence, but for those of us who are unsure, are we more likely to end up with the wooden spoon than a grand prize? Some would say not if you can fake it till you make it. Just like an athlete who must train to become successful and proficient in the field they have chosen for themselves, flirting is something you can practice to improve your level of skill. Unlike sport however, you can still be successful whilst also being self-conscious. And even better, the more you do it, the less self-conscious you will eventually become.

So what does this all boil down to? Basically that no one is a lost cause. Anyone can start small by making eye contact or smiling and everyone can learn the habits of the masters that will help you ease your way into social situations. It may just be a good thing that flirting is not a competetive sport (at least officially) but you could still look at it as a life skill worth developing. The more you learn and give it all a go, the more you'll actually get out of life anyway and you never know, you may turn out to be a real champion.

Soul Searching

Do you believe that people can have more than one soul mate? Do you believe that they come along when we really need them, if we’re lucky enough to get them or maybe because we happen to be ready for them? Is a soul mate just someone you connect with on that most intimate of levels or is it the title to be bestowed on that one and only person who was made to be with you? That other half to which you seek reunion in order to make your life complete. All interesting questions that are apparently without answers. Most of us do have opinions though.

Some people like to think that it must be possible to have more than one soul mate as it would increase the odds of their actually finding one. Given how many people are on the planet, I’m not sure the so-called odds become any more manageable if that is the case but it could be considered a comforting thought. It also opens the door for widowers to meet another love of their life perhaps a second time around without diminishing the affection and emotion they felt for their first partner. Just as there are advantages to this point of view however, for the religious at least, there are a few problems.

If you believe in heaven and that lovers can be reunited in the after life, what happens when the one who was first left behind loves again? Is there any such thing as ‘the other woman’ on that ethereal plane or is this a non-issue beyond our comprehension? Is each person’s eternity merely an alternate, for want of a better word, reality and it all works out best for the individual somehow? Whatever the case may be, I tend to think that maybe there isn’t just one person for each of us and that the world is full of possibilities.

I recently heard soul mates described as two people prepared to bare their souls to each other. I rather like this explanation. True love can exist, as can soul mates, but it hints at the idea that we are responsible for our own happiness and that we have to give to receive in return. Opening yourself up to another is not necessarily an easy thing to do and this could also describe why some people are not able or not willing to risk themselves a second time. It happens to fit in with a vague idea I have had for a while as well.

So much of who we are is a testament to where we’ve been. As we experience new things, our perceptions change and many would agree that relationships require not only the right person, but the right time as well. I kind of like the idea that the world is full of possible connections and that if you are in the right place at the right time, you will get an opportunity. Certainly, there are those of us who actively go looking for these opportunities as well as others who merely fall into them but its occasionally nice to think that they are all out there to be had.

A Secret For Attracting Women Only The Pros Know

At some point while interacting with a woman I might take her hand and praise, "You have the most amazing smile I've seen tonight... It makes me feel so happy inside!" She'll usually respond with, "Thank you!" Then I'll count the fingers on my other hand and say, "You know what: actually there were four other girls with really amazing smiles tonight as well. Out of them, you have the fourth best smile. I'm going to call you number four." And then I'll push away her hand. More often than not, women demand, "No!!! I want to be number one!" I'll usually retort with, "Alright, I'll promote you to number three for being feisty."

Do women find this derisive and mean? Not at all (Note: once in while you'll encounter a psychologically damaged woman who doesn't think this is cute. She is the exception and not the rule. My advice: run away from these types of women, quickly). Most women find this funny, charming, and playful. More importantly, it generates attraction: the emotion of wanting and reaching and chasing for more of you.

Well there you have it folks. The reason why I am still single is that I am actually a psychologically damaged female with no sense of humour. I feel I can now give up all hope with impunity, as I obviously have no appreciation of the subtleties inherent in the social negotiations that occur between men and women. All potential suitors should flee as fast as possible should they find themselves in my vicinity for I will not be swayed by the gambit that I am actually inferior to those around me. Who would have thought?

So I suppose its obvious that I might have a slight problem with this so called ‘secret’ (although to be more honest, I should say with this particular example). The actual push/pull technique that the original author was trying to demonstrate is something to which I don’t necessarily have an aversion. In principle. It does have its advantages and I feel can be used without causing insult or hurt feelings. When it is used as a calculated ploy to manipulate others for the user’s own ends however, I feel like smacking someone.

Basically, the push/pull technique requires that person A offers another pursuit or positive reinforcement and then backs off creating the situation in which that other person (B) will then seek their validation. This need for approval and validation it is argued, then creates (or adds to) the feeling of attraction in B as they are placing a higher value or significance in A’s opinion and are seeing them as a prize to be won over. It is also argued by the way that if you are a true Don Juan of the dating scene, from that initial 'test', it is merely a slippery slope from bar to bed. I do happen to think that this is bollocks but there are obviously people who disagree.

And there you have it. The push/pull secret to success with women. Unless of course you come across one of us psychologically damaged ones that is. Because then you’re screwed. Or not as the case may be.

More Dollars Than Sense?

Are billboards really going to be the next craze in the quest for long-lasting love? Recently I posted on the effort by an American group of friends to find a date for their fellow colleague, Lance Archibald. The group erected a billboard on the interstate and created a website to review submissions from the thousands of women who then nominated themselves as a potential date for the eligible bachelor. Now it appears that Lance’s billboard at least, found a mate. Also appearing on the interstate was the response featuring the niece of Donny and Marie Osmond - “I’m Anmaree! Let’s go out Lance!”.

The managing editor of Connect Magazine, a regional business publication, Anmaree Osmond is 30 years old and currently single. A returned LDS missionary and BYU graduate, she is also said to look favourably upon the prospect of having children. After seeing the initial billboard, Anmaree’s co-workers at Connect Magazine felt that she would be a perfect match for Lance and that the best way to go about arranging a date was to get their own sign. What followed was the DateMeLance billboard which appeared on two electronic signs bordering the interstate and the website providing Anmaree’s credentials and qualities.

Copying the general design of the original billboard, the DateMeLance campaign was mounted to catch the man’s attention. As I couldn’t find anything to suggest it had however, I’m not sure that it actually succeeded. It has become at least a small part of the international phenomenon though. What some say started as an elaborate practical joke has become bigger than anyone ever imagined. The story has now appeared in more than 150 newspapers, five of those overseas and the website has recorded over one million hits.

And why is something so Utah-county specific making nation-wide and international news? Well it seems that this was asked to a television producer who replied that there was not a lot of uplifting and funny news out there at the moment. This story is a relief from all the war, scandals, kidnappings and gas prices that people are bombarded with constantly. He’s probably right as well. This does have the potential to be about love and romance at the end of the day and that is a nice thing to be hearing at the moment. And at the very least, you do have to laugh (I'm sure some of the submissions were absolutely hilarious as well).

Date The Write Way

Do you have a way with words? Are you looking for someone who actually can express themselves in complete sentences? Have you got the write stuff? Well maybe you should check out silent dating, one of the more recent trends to hit the singleton scene. Possibly relive your youth as you pass notes during the two hours you are forbidden to speak or practice your handwriting analysis technique as you gaze over the missives you receive. Whether you consider yourself to be a loud personality or a quiet one, this new form of meeting people definitely has something to offer (although, if you’re someone who has trouble not speaking at the best of times, you may actually need to give this some consideration).

I think each of us has probably had a moment where we’ve blurted something out to a new acquaintance without thinking first. We’ve wondered why on Earth we’ve said what we did and wished that perhaps we had thought about it a little first. Fortunately, when you are forced to write everything down and physically give it to someone else, you have a bit more time for revision. You get the added confidence of not actually having to say something face to face and for all those shrinking violets out there, you are spared, in part at least, the occasionally nerve-racking eye contact you are expected to have with people you are conversing with. Writing a note to someone else is for some an easier way to break the ice and ease embarrassment and it also has the added advantage of being playful.

For all those gregarious and outgoing types, a night of silent dating might be the perfect opportunity to glide a paper plane right into someone else’s lap. Tapping into our society’s love of text and email, it might provide the opportunity to suggest things you might not quite have the courage for in conversation. If someone can see you and communicate in words with you without actually able being able to hear you, it adds a little mystique into the mix. Of course, if your handwriting is questionable, that mystique might not be viewed quite the way you think. You should for example be careful that you are not inadvertently asking people if they like wild panties instead of parties. On the other hand though, it may make the conversations more interesting if you don’t.

This format does have the disadvantage that if your handwriting is like that of a doctor’s and practically illegible, you may find it a little difficult. If you are an incredibly poor speller you may also disappoint more people than you impress but like all the other singles events out there, each option will suit some more than others. Some people place more stock in the actual activities and feelings that can be shared as opposed to the discussions that can be held about them but if you’re looking for that one person that you can really talk to, I can definitely think of worse ways to find them.

For The Love Of...

It is a widely acknowledged trend in musicals that when the characters are at their most emotional, they will break into song. Whether you’re watching The Lion King or Team America, if the character is really mad, they sing a song, if they’re very upset, they sing a song, if they’ve just fallen in love…well they sing another song. Talking obviously does not suffice in these situations and so it is deemed necessary to have a whole new form of expression to get the point across. The music sweeps in and the cast begins to rhyme away as if they’ve been doing it since birth.

Now on the whole, I don’t actually have a problem with this state of affairs. I personally happen to like a lot of musicals and am all for being carried away in the moment. What I do have a problem with however is when this phenomenon of alternate forms of expression, spews over into real life with unfortunate consequences. Sometimes this becomes apparent as you walk past a busker on the street and occasionally it’s a little subtler than that. The average person doesn’t always have a tuneful guitar handy every time they feel like letting loose so what usually happens in these circumstances is just bad poetry.

Bad poetry I’m sure, could actually be classified as a form of torture. And this is a very roundabout way of saying that I now feel rather sorry for Bec Cartwright-Hewitts wedding reception guests. Granted, I am expressing a personal opinion here but I sincerely doubt I’m the only person who was slightly nauseated by her toast to her new husband. I’m sure someone else must have winced as she told everyone ‘Having a family with you makes me so glad / I know I’ll never get sad / Thanks so much for choosing me / By sticking together we’ll make a great family’.

Now normally I don’t take much notice of the young pregnant actress from Homely and Awful (sorry, that was Home and Away) but both she and the new hubby are (Australian) household names in their own right and as such, this toast made the news rounds. So I had to endure listening to it when I got to work one morning. I could have done without that. I know she was a newlywed and terribly in love with Lleyton, and really, it was a lovely gesture but ‘Rebecca Hewitt! I’m your wife! / Stick with me and you’ll have a bloody good life!’? At the risk of attracting negative attention to myself, I feel she does much better delivering lines she doesn’t write herself.

So maybe I’m not romantic enough. Maybe this sort of effort is totally wasted on me. Perhaps I don’t possess the finer sensibilities required to truly appreciate the sheer poetry of the piece in question or maybe I’m just up myself and think I could do better. Either way, I think its safe to say that if I get married, I won’t be using this speech as a kind of blueprint, its majesty to which I aspire. I also think that writing me love poems would probably not be the best way to my heart.

In The Event Of An Emergency

If someone breaks into the front of your house while you are watching tv in the back and starts setting things on fire, it definitely counts as an emergency. Dialing 000 should then be pretty high on your priority list, although it may be debatable just who you require the services of most. There are some situations in life however, dire and terribly unfortunate though they may be to you, where calling the emergency number would not be to your advantage. For example, if you’ve been single for longer than you care to contemplate, I’d wager you’d be hung up on rather than helped if you bothered to try. Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t like to though.

I know heaps of women who think that there is nothing spunkier than a man in uniform. And I’m not particularly immune to the affliction either. I mean theres something kind of comforting about a man who knows how to save lives. Someone who actually has rescuing people as part of their job description. Well, more or less at any rate. And at the same time, I’m sure it could be kind of exciting to get tied up with someone who knows how to take charge of a situation (pun not entirely unintended). Those sorts of things feature quite prominently in a lot of fantasies I’m sure. And why not I say.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to rest your head on the broad shoulder of a man who knows the true meaning of hot and sweaty. Or of getting wrapped up in the arms of someone who could rescue kittens from trees and carry you out of a burning building with energy to spare. This is the guy who’s body is in peak physical condition, possessing both strength and agility that can take your breath away. He is a man capable of living life on the edge as he pursues one of the most dangerous professions around and a guy who knows how to use his hose is often useful to have around.

On the other hand, maybe your tastes run a little more towards the boys in blue. It might row your boat to be on the arm of someone who knows the law and is not afraid to use it. Every day is a different day for this man who needs to be both hardheaded and softhearted in equal parts. Dealing with criminals and victims alike, this guy will understand people as he makes time for both them and the pursuit of justice. He will be prepared to show the patience required to lie in wait for something and have the ability to race off in pursuit of it as well. He also has access to some nifty accessories for which you may find a use.

If its brains that turn you on far more than brawn however, dreaming of doctors might be what gets you hot and bothered. This man has the allure that he could potentially be pulling in a six-figure salary with which to spoil you rotten in addition to the fact that he knows the female body in a way some men never will. Bedside manner might take on a whole new meaning if you saw the man inside his white coat as well as out of it. Of course, this is a rather self-centred, somewhat sexist, overly stereotypical, quite unrealistic and not to mention unreasonable way to view dating a man in uniform. Life doesn’t - and isn’t - supposed to work out quite the way it does in your fantasies. Then again, that’s really why they’re called fantasies aren’t they?

Colour Me Sexy

There are a wide variety of experts out there who will tell you that colours are indeed responsible for affecting our moods. They will tell you that pink is a calming colour, good for soothing and promoting affection, orange will stimulate both appetite and conversation and green will help you achieve balance and refreshment. They will also tell you that of all the colours, red is the most sensual and blue, the most relaxing which is perhaps important to know if you’re trying to impress your date or maybe get one.

Apparently, many women are attracted to men who wear blue. This colour is seen to represent stability and dependability within the male population and so for those on the lookout for a long-term relationship, this can only be a good thing. We associate this colour with truth, confidence, trust and security. Although the colour can also be linked to depression, we generally tend to associate it with strength rather than weakness when worn by a man so blue is great to have in the wardrobe. Women on the other hand are advised to stick to the warmer colours if they wish to attract a mate.

Pink and peach are often flattering to the skin and will make the wearer seem more approachable. These tones are also said to project a little vulnerability, which is attractive to most men. On the other hand, if you are no shrinking violet and want someone who is not afraid of a strong woman, then red is your best bet. This is the colour to which we pay the most attention. We associate it with love, desire, danger and violence. This colour can raise your blood pressure and even evoke a fight-or-flight response in some people. Men who are not attracted to strong women will often steer clear of a lady in red however, so be warned.

Of course, despite you personal preferences, you should probably stay away from colours (or shades) that do not actually suit you at all. Depending on your hair colour and skin tone, there will be some hues that will appear unattractive even if they are ‘in’ this season. Also, the colours you wear only make up a small part of the package and will not get you a date on their own. If getting noticed is on your agenda though, or you want to make a specific impression, you should definitely take notice of the shades you wear. Clothes make the man as they say and a picture paints a thousand words so the next time you are trying to decide what to walk out of the house in, why not put your best foot forward.

DateLance.com

In the hunt to find that perfect person, this option may seem a little extreme (not to mention a little expensive) but when money is not a consideration, you might just want to take a leaf out of Team DateLance’s book. You may wish to line up a billboard and a web site.

Recently in the States, a group of friends and co-workers have gotten together in an effort to see a ‘great guy’ married and settled. Lance Archibald, the 31-year-old Director of Marketing at Logoworks is (as far as his friends are concerned) both attractive and personable. He plays sport, has an MBA, is into kids and Team DateLance can’t understand why some lucky woman hasn’t already snapped him up. They have therefore decided to speed the process up a bit by advertising on the interstate and the Internet and forming a screening panel to review the applications that have since been flooding in.

The team itself is made up of eight people, all employees of Logoworks, from the CEO to the graphic designers. Each of the members (and Lance himself) review the submissions which include the applicant’s idea of the perfect date and a paragraph on why they should date Lance as well as things like name, age, a picture and occupation. Applicants are guaranteed neither a date nor a phone call (and there is a lovely disclaimer that says you may not use DateLance if you do not have a sense of humour and that if you do get a date, a number of things are not ensured, such as any future children becoming honour roll students) but if Lance is impressed or the team do an excellent job of talking someone up, then something may go from there.

So are they serious? Apparently yes. The team admits that they thought the idea would be funny, perhaps even more so because Lance was by no means desperate, but this is an honest endeavour and his friends want him to be happy. Lance, who was not initially in on the planning for this scheme, has also proven to be a good sport about the whole thing. He first found out about it when he was driven by the billboard about thirty minutes after it went up but has seemed to take it all in his stride (and not retaliated at all). He really is an all round great guy.

And whats not to like? The guy obviously has loyal friends and family. He’s smart, good looking, fit and he can take a joke. Lance has stated that although he’d like to get married, he is happy at present and not overly concerned about marriage right now but that just provides a challenge doesn’t it? He is, so to speak, up for grabs at the moment and with his credentials, why not give it a go? He does live in Utah but as we have oft been told, love truly knows no boundaries. Right?