Gainfully Employed

Some of my friends knew what they wanted to be in primary school. Some of them figured it out a little later in life and others haven’t quite finished figuring it out yet. I personally would fit in the latter category, as I still haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up. This does make it a little difficult however as I once again find myself at some crossroads, needing to apply for something lest I find myself unemployed again. And whilst I am aware that I neither want nor am realistically able to be a rocket scientist or a rock star, the possibilities do seem rather endless.

There are a number of jobs for which I am technically qualified and others for which one might argue that I possessed relevant experience. There are also the jobs that sound kind of cool in theory but are ones for which I really show no natural inclination whatsoever. These are usually jobs for which there is not really any formal training available but also ones that not many people can do well. The following for example are career opportunities that due to a lack of, well, something, I probably won’t be pursuing:

Wingwoman: This is the woman that acts as a male’s platonic friend and becomes the bridge between him and the object of his attention. Whether you’re Mr Cool or a bumbling fool, the theory behind the wingwoman is that men are more appealing if it appears that other women want to hang out with them and that women are far more open to being approached by another female who is ‘mingling’ than a guy on the pull.

Matchmaker: This is the person that, as the job title would suggest, actually makes matches. This person identifies people that they believe might suit each other and facilitates a meeting in the hope that a relationship ensues. I imagine that this type of role would be rather rewarding, that is of course unless you were completely crap at it.

Escort: In the totally non-hooker sense of the word, this woman is the stunning, talented and entertaining companion of choice to impress associates and on-lookers. A professional girlfriend of sorts, she saves people from going solo to “and partner” engagements and provides an example of her date’s superior taste in women. This role requires witty repartee up the wazoo I believe.

Hostess: This is the woman who’s job it is to be the eye-candy, adept conversationalist and all-round schmoozer. The professional wife if you will, she can organise a black tie event standing on her head and is everyone’s friend without being over the top. She can put anyone at ease and is sort of like an EA in an evening dress. The sort of woman you might love to hate if you didn’t actually want to be her.

Each of these roles I’m sure would have various perks associated with them however I do believe that I am not cut out for the relationship business. Since I occasionally find it difficult to make conversation with those I have nothing in common with, my wardrobe would definitely be considered deficient and I don’t have an address book full of A-list contacts I’m pretty sure I won’t be making my mark on the world this way. So I guess its back to the drawing board for the next paving stone in the career path - fingers crossed it’s a good one.