Killing The Death Vow

It recently came to my notice that there is apparently a rising trend in non-traditional wedding vows. Couples by the dozen are now removing the ‘till death do us part’ promise and replacing it with various alternatives. For some, the decision stems from a preference to not mention something as depressing as death in a wedding ceremony. For others however, it’s the desire to promise something a little less permanent. As the divorce rate skyrockets, and society’s attitude towards marriage relaxes, it seems some people are having more realistic expectations. Either that or they’re getting the back door ready nice and early.

Just as the notion to ‘honour and obey’ became a bit too onerous and outdated for some, so too did the concept of committing to everlasting love, or at least a physical manifestation thereof. Now affianced couples are promising to be ‘loyal as long as our love shall last’ or to stay together ‘for as long as our marriage shall serve the greatest good’. There are also those who promise to stick around ‘until our time together is over’, which, excuse me if I’m wrong, sounds like there wasn’t actually much love there in the first place. So is forever after really on the way out?

Champions of the modern approach to wedding vows claim that replacing part of the traditional text does not mean that people are taking marriage less seriously. Many believe that it’s a more personal form of expression that helps make a ceremony feel special and individual. Others however, hold that given the high level of divorce, making realistic promises within a church or legal ceremony could be advantageous further down the track. Knowing that you’ve failed in a marriage is tough, knowing that you’ve broken a vow that you pledged on your honour to keep is tougher.

It has been argued that this almost reluctant approach to the idea of happily every after could actually result in a self-fulfilling prophesy. You might just get what you expect if you only have limited expectations after all. As people today replace the unconditional with what one might consider a loophole, it almost seems as though they are implying that they will not be there if the going gets rough. Which I am told at some stage, it inevitably does. Its not all doom and gloom though.

Although there are definitely those who appear somewhat pessimistic about the prospects of their union, they remain the exception to the rule and the rest of us are still entering into marriage at least hoping that it lasts forever. The original text often does prevail and occasionally is forsaken for something that might be considered as applying beyond the mortal realm such as ‘for all the days of our lives in this world and the next’. This would I think indicate a devoted love that should be there for the long haul and whether you would choose this line or not, I think most of us do hope we’ll find that.