Time To Smell The Roses

Some people are of the opinion that when you live in a big city, you tend to adapt to the pace of life there but you know what, I think that recently I’ve slowed down. I’m not quite sure when it happened or when it started to happen but it has occurred to me over the past couple of weeks that my current speed is not quite what it used to be. This became most apparent to me when a woman in her mid to late forties was repeatedly outpacing me to the train station. Which was almost embarrassing. I used to be the one people asked to slow down. Not anymore apparently.

I have always been a bit of a walker. A short trip for me is one that involves at least twenty minutes of striding. That’s part of the reason I have always favoured taller men I think. Apart from the aesthetics thing (yes I know that’s shallow), it meant that even if I was walking slower, I didn’t have to alter my gait. And now it seems I am going slower. I have moved out of the city for home (I don’t really think that the northern side of the Sydney Harbour Bridge can be classified as the inner suburbs) and work (Darling Harbour is not in the suburbs either) and I have been quite happy about that.

Over the past couple of months I have also made a couple of trips to both Orange and Canberra and have been remembering how much I actually enjoy smaller communities. Whereas some people find them suffocating, I kind of like places where people know who you are and you are not a face that gets lost in the crowd. And that just got me thinking about women who have no trouble dating several men at the same time. I am not talking about women who cheat on their partners (that’s another topic entirely) but those who seem to have a never-ending social calendar of dates and prefer to try everything before they buy.

Apart from the fact that I suck at the dating before the relationship bit, I don’t know how they do it. I mean if you attempt to invest emotionally with several people at once to see if you have a true connection, you run the risk of completely tiring and or confusing yourself (well, that and coming across as a tease). If you don’t bother to make an effort then one has to wonder what is the point? When you ask some of these women what they want in a man, some of them profess to seeking a soul mate with whom they can share everything. I am a bit dubious however of the idea that you can be sure if you’ve found this or not based on a short acquaintance.

I think I tend to subscribe to the Pantene view of relationships. You know, ‘it won’t happen overnight but it will happen’? I was reading an article about a matchmaker once and she stipulated that to use her services, you had to agree to meet a match more than once. You need to invest time to get any worthwhile sort of return I guess. It probably helps not having several dates on the go either. I am suddenly reminded of the Sex and the City episodes where Charlotte was trying to juggle two guys in one night and the one where Miranda ended up on call waiting only to realise she wasn’t the only woman. I’d rather not find myself in those situations thanks very much so maybe slowing down and being relaxed is the way to go. If nothing else, its probably less stressful.

I Have A Job To Do

Given the previous posts, it seems fitting to tell you now that I have a job to do. Actually I have several but firstly I will say that I actually have a ‘new job’. An opportunity found me a couple of weeks ago and I resigned from the position I have been filling for the last twenty months. Friday was my final day so I am currently what some might call unemployed. Or you might say I was actually working for two companies at the same time depending on how you look at it but I like to think of myself as unemployed. This does not however mean I have nothing to do.

I remember when I was applying for my first jobs and I managed to find employment within about a week. At the time I felt it was almost too easy and I had done nothing to deserve it. My father sat me down however and explained that I had actually been preparing for that moment for a good ten years. He felt that all my good grades and development of communication skills etc were like the groundwork and that I had in fact worked very hard to be awarded that job. That kind of stuck with me I guess. As did a comment I heard on a Compass special that I happened to see on tv one night.

As I was flicking over the channels one evening, I came across an ABC special on abstinence and saving yourself for marriage. A range of people were talking on the subject and the ‘no sex’ message was very much linked with discussions on the need to build a strong relationship and what that might entail. The thing that clicked for me though was when one of the men said that we spend so much time trying to find Mr or Mrs Right that we never consider whether we could be that person for somebody else. In a consumer driven society we often expect other people to just fit us as we are without any compromise on our part. If we were more concerned with being an ideal rather than looking for one however, we’d be much better off.

Of course ‘ideal’ is a rather subjective term. Theres different strokes for different folks of course and we all know that nobody is perfect but if we tried to be better then maybe some things would be easier. Which brings me back to my point about having a job to do. I may not be dating anyone right now (in other words I am not), and I may not be dating anyone in the near future either (a rather distinct possibility) but I do share my life (and indeed my house) with other people so I really owe it to those around me to be the best person I can be. And if its meant to be, I’ll attract the people who are best for me.

I Don't Date By Proxy

You know when you first start realising that the opposite sex is different from you but kind of cool at the same time? The distinction between that of a friend and a boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly becomes terribly important, as does the acquiring of said boyfriend or girlfriend. For some of us, that happens in primary school and what occasionally ensues is a rather bizarre network of friends that actually allow you to carry on a quasi-meaningful relationship - without ever having to in fact talk to the other person let alone hold their hand. That’s kind of sweet in its own weird and quixotic way. When you’re ten. Trouble is though that some people don’t quite grow out of that.

When I was in high school I had the rather amusing experience (in hindsight at least) of being asked out by someone I didn’t know. Although to be perfectly honest, he didn’t actually ask me out, The Messenger did. We were all away on a school camp when I was approached by a classmate. ‘Hey, you know The Button?’. ‘No’. ‘Yeah you do. That guy who hangs around with Mr Pot? The Button?’. ‘Ah...No’. ‘Oh. Well he really likes you and wants to know if you’d like to go out with him.’. I suggested that since I didn’t know who he was let alone what he looked like, my answer was not going to be a resounding 'yes' and that maybe he’d like to, you know, talk to me sometime. He later did talk to me but what I didn’t realise was that there was a queue of people outside the food tent we were in, passing updates down the line and stopping anyone else from entering. I was a tad embarrassed by that.

Now I will admit to my fair share of neurotic preoccupation with how my personal relationships do and do not work out but I try to stay away from involving absolutely everybody else in my dramas. I select one or two people and just annoy them stupid instead. No seriously, I dislike actually asking mutual friends and acquaintances things like ‘Do you think he likes me?’ or ‘Has he said anything about me?’. If anything, I think I’m more likely to go up to a guy and say ‘My friend wants to know if you think I’m cute’ than ask my friend to find out for me. When something is truly bugging me, I will usually go for the more direct approach. There is someone who can attest to the fact that I sat them down in a shopping centre once and rather eloquently asked ‘So whats the go?’. Not one of my finer moments perhaps but it did the job.

So on the whole I’m not a big fan of managing my relationships via proxy. I’m more a believer in direct communication. As in if I can’t communicate with them myself, theres probably not a lot of point in trying to pursue something anyway. Of course, that having been said, it should also be noted that I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and I rarely if ever make the first move. That does make things kinda difficult but no one ever said life was going to be easy.

New Heights Of Stupidity

I must admit that I indulged in a bit of Schadenfreude today as I stopped by Random_Speak to catch up on L’s latest adventures. One entry in particular cracked me up and was presented with such an air of comic self-depreciation that in another universe, I’m sure the two of us could be fast friends. I did actually sympathise with the plight through which she felt ‘afflicted’. I too have experienced spells of verbosity (not to mention other manifestations) that are deeply lamented at a later date but I was heartened to read that its definitely not just me who has these moments of idiocy. You know its amazing really, I’ve a size eight mouth and size ten feet but they still fit like a charm.

Anyway, I happened to read this entry shortly before learning about the 'Singleringen' and realised that its really not just your average Joe who has the market cornered on introducing stupidity into society. No, some enterprising Swedes are responsible for this one. In an effort to make being single cool, they have marketed a ring that supposedly enables the wearer to proclaim that they are single and proud. Apparently this does not mean that the wearer is not interested in a relationship, but merely that they are not looking for one. Or perhaps its not that they are not looking, but rather that they will be ok if they don’t find one. Although it would be nice of course and the fact that they are wearing the ring and have registered as a single helpfully points out that they are in fact available…

I know I’m cynical but I have to say, this really seems to be more of a dating gimmick than a statement about being proud to be single. And for those who do remain single in spite of their search, a way for them to feel better about it. You don’t have a wedding ring yet but you can have the single ring now! Its not much of a consolation prize though. But maybe that’s a bit unreasonable. Around 20,000 people (admittedly this is mostly women) in 17 countries have already purchased the ring. This indicates that being single is in fact a real issue for some when it shouldn’t be. So why not start a movement and create an army of the unattached to combat the negative image of no life partner? They may have a few more hurdles to get over first however. I can think of much better things to spend my money on.

And in other completely unrelated news of the somewhat ludicrous sort, I also came across an article from January stating that a religious edict issued by Rashad Hassan Khalil has uncovered a rift amongst Islamic scholars. Apparently this guy is of the expressed opinion that nudity during intercourse invalidates marriage. Which then prompts me to ask several questions including ‘Huh?’, and ‘Is this guy actually married himself?’. I have seen a few facetious comments in response to the fatwa saying that wearing socks would take care of the issue (and one reply to advise that the act of wearing nothing but socks nullifies all chances of engaging in sex in the first place) but as my friend the Married Lady would say, getting naked is half the fun.