One For Two

So now that I have found my dress, the next question is what on earth do I put my maid of honour in!? I am definitely not one of those brides that think she is going to seem far more attractive if she is surrounded by women who are made to look as ugly as possible by wearing say a fluorescent lime dress. It actually amazes me that there are women like this. I was once in a bridal parlour where the attendant served a bride who refused to consider a dress her maid of honour picked out for the bridal party because she happened to look stunning in it. There are words for women like her. And they’re not very flattering!

Anyway, I am largely of the opinion that if we deck the bridal party out stylishly enough it will only make The Boy and I seem more attractive (and demonstrate our impeccably good taste to boot). And now I have to find the “right” dress all over again. It just doesn’t stop! I’m sure I’ll be involved in my mum’s outfit too...I do have the advantage in the case of my maid of honour however that the female that I am shopping for is my sister. A funky chick that in looks, is more my twin than some freakish aberration from the gene pool that would cause you to wonder if she was in fact the milkman’s daughter. There is absolutely no mistaking that we are sisters and that we both came from our parents! I do have to be a little careful with strapless gowns for The Pussycat as I call her though, otherwise I’ll be preceded into the church and followed around all day by my very own linebacker.

A Ring Of Truth

You know, its kind of humbling to realise that everyone else is not quite as excited about some things as you are...

Sure, I can say to The Boy that I have never been that obsessed with having my own wedding so now that its finally going to happen, I am not all up in arms about every little detail. Why should that be hard to accept? I can say that although it should be a great day, it is just one day out of the rest of our lives so we shouldn’t worry ourselves sick over it. That would seem logical. I can also look at our day objectively and say that its not vital for all and sundry to actually witness the marriage and therefore, we could just go to Vegas and then come back and throw a massive party with our friends to celebrate. I was seriously contemplating it. What I can’t really do however is transfer other peoples excitement where I want it so now the shoe is on the other foot. And I definitely won’t be getting married in Vegas.

I have realised this because I just got my engagement ring. My formal engagement ring. That may seem completely random and unconnected but its not. At the time that The Boy proposed, we both knew that there was a ring that we wanted to have but that we were not yet in a position to be able to afford it. We therefore went scrounging through all the antique shops we could find in order to buy a less expensive ring that was no less real or official than the one I have now but rather always intended as temporary. This ring served its purpose well for several months and eventually, we were in a position to order what had been our first choice all along.

The Boy and I had been to numerous jewellery stores and seen several designers in our quest for the perfect ring. I am quite picky about what I wear and apparently made it quite clear early on that its best not to surprise me with Jewellery, ever, but to include me in the decision making process from the start. I usually like to see things, touch them and try them on before I decide that I want them and this caused no small amount of difficulty when we were speaking to designers about ring possibilities. I would be asked what I wanted and I inevitably didn’t know exactly because I couldn’t visualise it. In then end however, oddly enough, we did buy a ring that I had neither touched nor tried on my own hand. We selected the design and colour out of a catalogue and paid a 50% deposit upfront for the ring to be made in Germany and shipped out to Australia. Thats neither here nor there however really. It was what happened next that made me think twice.

Because I love jewellery, I was quite excited by the prospect of my formal ring. I knew it would arrive before Christmas and initially I was told I would have to wait to be able to wear it as I wasn’t getting anything else at the end of the year. When The Boy saw how much I loved it though, he totally caved and I got it early. Especially as he was always going to get me something else as a present anyway, he doesn’t know how to do anything but give. So there I was all excited and happy about being able to wear this ring and show it off and the responses I was getting from everyone were pretty much the equivalent of “Oh, thats nice”. Everyone who had seemed so excited to see the first ring did not have the same interest in the second because I was already engaged. That was now old news.

As much as I still am not the type of woman to go into raptures over my forthcoming nuptials, it gives me energy to be around other people who are happy, excited and “into” an event that they are attending. You might argue that a reception is just another party and another excuse for a pissup but I like to think that if people have gone to the trouble of going to an official ceremony to see you go through what should be a significant event in your life then it is different than hosting a night out with free food and alcohol for all who know you. You might know what the “reception” was in honour of but if the event itself becomes removed from the celebration then it won’t be the same for your guests or for the couple. So we’re not nicking off to get married with just the two of us with a minister dressed as Elvis and an organist who looks like she works the strip in her spare time. I do still find the idea amusing though.

The Price We Pay

Well the wedding has been on again, off again recently. Not because either one of us (or both of us) have decided not to do it at all and live in sin for the rest of our lives or alternately have busted up in a spectacular display of fireworks and have declared never speak to the other one again, but rather that next year might not be the best time. Two people who are important to us will be overseas and it seems that we can only get one of them home. We are also in a frustrating financial situation of theoretically having money that we can’t actually utilise. Because I have felt slightly pushed into a date next year, I have been in turns difficult, surly, negative and just plain annoying. The bridezilla in me was apparently manifesting not in an obsession to have everything done exactly as I wanted and in the manner of my choosing but rather in my reluctance to get at all excited about the wedding cause nothing was “right”.

What made matters worse was that I really wanted to vent because I was upset but that only distressed everyone else. My fiancée was cut up because he could not give me everything that I wanted as were my family because they felt they ought to be giving me more of what I wanted I guess. When people have asked me about the wedding as they are wont to do (its like an ice breaker or something and will probably be asked up until the time we are actually married – then people will want to know if I’m pregnant yet!), I’ve told people that I have definitely not reached the fun part yet. I’ve told people that I’m not enjoying all the interviews and appointments and bridal fairs and website browsing at all. Its been slightly tedious and depressing at times really and the whole not being a sugar puff bride thing has not been working in my favour. I make sarcastic jokes because its my way to deal with it but for those close to me, its quite hard to hear.

Its never easy to admit you were wrong or that you should have handled something better. And truth be told, the whole wedding thing has been getting slightly better over the past couple of weeks. I’m not exactly ready to sing from the top of the trees or anything and I don’t think my levels of excitement will ever quite match those of my fiancée – go figure that out – but I am now happy with the idea of holding the wedding next year. Waiting the additional months will not make me significantly happier than I would be the following year and as a couple, we’re probably better off not spending as much as we would if we waited either. I also want to be married. My hesitation was never about the marriage itself, only the wedding. So yeah, I’m trying to put Bridezilla back in her box and remember that its not all about me.

As I have been frequently told by my little sister (in jest of course), this wedding is all about her!

Politics At Dinner

I saw an idea that I liked the other day. The boy and I went to see a reception venue and as it was a popular place and a Saturday, the rooms were already decked out for the evening to come. The idea that I liked came from a woman who decided both that she was far too busy to be bothered with actual seating placements and that all her guests were big enough and ugly enough to sort it out for themselves. She decided to give all her tables names such as The Sex Pistols and The Beatles so she obviously had a list for the guests that were to sit at each table but apparently she wasn’t prepared to dictate in which particular chair they sat. I think I might like this woman.

When the boy and I made a comment to the lady that was showing us around the venue she said that we probably had no idea what kind of issues she has seen in regards to seating placements at weddings. Great Aunty Margaret absolutely loathes Crazy Cousin George and they have to be sitting as far away for each other as possible. They also have to be facing different directions! Or perhaps the parents of the bride and groom are not exactly enamoured of each other and as such, one set of parents much not be any closer to the bridal table than the other. Dirty Uncle Harry must not be seated with any unmarried woman or a female under thirty and Clumsy Grandma Mae who is hard of hearing must be seated with her good ear towards the bridal table but she must also be on the edge near an exit so she can get out without tripping up or over ten people on the way. Thank God our families are not like this.

I think if any one of our guests was not completely happy with where they were placed then they would just suck it up. As far as I am aware, no one actually hates anyone else, they just might choose not to talk to someone for most of the evening – and with 70 or 80 people around that is not such a big deal. I know maybe one or two people who might have something to say about whatever food we have served at our wedding but as my fiancée so charmingly told me, he will be quite willing to step in and tell them dry your eyes princess, build a bridge and get over it. Or leave. And I don’t particularly have a problem with that. If someone actually made a big deal over dinner then they are quite welcome to remove themselves elsewhere to remedy the situation. Theres not a lot I can do after the catering has already been delivered to the table!

Finding The Bon In Bombonierre

To gift or not to gift? Some people see it as tradition. A thankyou if you will to those people who have gone out of their way to spend the day with you and celebrate. Some people see it as a waste of money because you’ve most likely already shelled out a significant amount of cash to get them fed, entertained and drunk. Although depending on the wedding, not necessarily in that order. The boy and I are undecided at the moment. We’d like to but the cost can get a bit ridiculous if you get carried away. The money may be better spent as a bouquet, an upgraded wine package or perhaps another groomsman (or that was the equivalent expense of adding the additional member to the bridal party as one doesn’t normally buy groomsmen themselves). Doesn’t stop you from window shopping however.

So what is the perfect gift? I’ve seen fridge magnets with a picture of the bride and groom before, cds of the wedding music, rock candy with names or messages cooked (does one cook candy?) into the pieces and photo frames or ornaments containing an image of the happy couple. Whilst we were looking for options on the weekend, the boy saw one of those glass/crystal paperweight things with the 3D image lasered into the block. He suggested that we could find out how much it would cost for us to get our photo put into some as a gift. I suggested that the last thing our guests really want is our picture smiling back at them every day from some random cheap gift. There are plenty of different ideas out there though.

If you want to be really traditional then there is always sugared almonds although a lot of people choose to give chocolate in some sort of box or container now a days. I’ve seen people give rocky road too with the message that we all have rocky roads in our future but may they be as sweet as this one. Some people give small bottles of champagne and some engraved champagne flutes. I have been looking for some more unusual ideas however. I do rather like the idea of having goldfish on the table and giving them out to the guests at the end of the night. Weird, I know, I’m not exactly a kid anymore but there you go. The logistics of such an idea however might probably be too much for a wedding day. Something that might take effort before the day however could work. I have seen websites that can provide embroidered linen for a pretty penny, or small plants.

I’m not sure what I’d want to go for at the end of the day. Especially as it would not be totally my decision either. I must admit though that since most of our friends and relations that would be coming are married, I kind of like the idea of giving all the men a small toy ball and all the women some sort of chain. It was politely suggested however that there would quite likely be some people attending our wedding that might find the idea of the “ball and chain” somewhat offensive. Oh well. Back to the drawing board I guess.