Weapons Of Mass Destruction

As a weapon, the uses are twofold. Responsible for inflicting pain, injuries and broken bones aplenty, they also represent power. Inspiring perhaps a certain degree of confidence from the owner and occasionally awe from those who get to bear witness. I know personally that when I have those extra seven inches, it helps me take on the world. Many a man has been brought to his knees by a nicely displayed set of pins and I see no reason not to take advantage when the situation calls for it. I’m talking here of course, about a pair of high heels.

They come in all shapes and sizes, styles and shades. Theres the sandal and the pump, be they open or closed, and now that winter is approaching, theres boots everywhere you look. Whether your footwear reaches your ankle, your calf or your knee (or even your thigh if you’re so inclined), for us girls, whats on the bottom definitely matters as much as whats on top. And one of my favourite accessories would have to be three and a half inches under each heel. Not that I need it but there are so many advantages.

My calves have more definition and the added height makes my legs look longer (and in theory thinner in a length to width ratio). My hips will tend to sway a little more which is supposedly sexy and hey, if I ever get abducted, I may be able to break off the outer casing of the heel and use the metal spike inside to really hurt someone. Either that or if I’m incarcerated in a third world prison, I may be able to use it to dig my way out. As I said, so many advantages.

Not only do they affect how you look on the outside, they also affect how you feel on the inside. When I go out for an evening and don the battle armour of a short skirt, a low-cut top and enough make-up (ok, I’m more likely to wear pants than a skirt and I don’t own that many low tops), I’m usually not thinking gee, I think I’ll go flat foot tonight. As far as I’m concerned, thongs are for the beach and sneakers are for exercise. And maybe for extended shopping trips.

Of course, anything that has its advantages, also has its disadvantages. Extensive wear will shorten your tendons and the increased pressure on the balls of your feet is damned uncomfortable after a while - and probably not that good for you either. Stilettos can be just about impossible to walk on and women heavily under the influence are an absolute menace. A misplaced step which smashes the business end of the heel into your instep is incredibly painful (as is twisting your ankle as you fall off the other end) and you're constantly susceptible to cracks in the pavement or uneven flooring. I wouldn’t have it any other way though.

Someone once said, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels and I say - you go girl!