Its No Big Deal

You know how dogs can smell fear and how some horses can be rather skittish when being ridden by inexperienced riders? You know how people say the best thing to do in these situations is to just stay calm and relax? Well that’s actually pretty good advice for dating too. I think too many people get overly worked up and nervous when communicating with someone they really like and don’t realise what effect this can actually have on the other person.

A large proportion of what you communicate to someone else is not done through your words alone. Body language certainly makes up a big part when you talk face to face with someone and when speaking over the phone, it is pitch, pace and clarity that will count for a lot. The thing is though, that if you are not careful, they will count against you. Perhaps not in an obvious way but this does bear thinking about.

Whenever you are anxious or nervous about something, like asking someone on a date for example, you send out the message that you think of it as a really ‘big deal’. More often than not, you also end up passing this idea along to the other person so they begin to think and feel the same way. Instead of presenting the idea of a date as a fun and or comfortable way to spend time with someone, you let them know that it is important, that there is some level of expectation attached and that you are not entirely comfortable.

Now maybe asking someone on a date is a very big deal for you. There may be someone you have liked for a long time or someone that you would love the chance to get to know better but no one likes to be put under pressure. Dating is confusing enough when you’re thinking about what you want let alone feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness. In addition to this, asking someone out should not be like asking for a favour. It is not often an advantage to create the impression that the object of your desire would be granting a great boon by going out with you.

When you are confident or at least comfortable with yourself, you are often more relaxed in your conversations with others. When you are self-conscious and not at all confident however, it is easy to convey the impression that you think someone is better than you or worth more. And they’re not. Now that might sound crazy or unfair but after having actually seen it and people’s reactions to it, I can say that making a big deal out of something can sometimes add a whole lot of unnecessary stress. So the next time you want to ask someone out or move a relationship to the next level, don’t put on the pressure. Remember that things have a way of working out for the best and so in the mean time - its no big deal.