Mr Bingley's Friend

Why do we women fall for the men we do? Are we attracted by some natural instinct that someone is our perfect compliment? Do we identify with similar backgrounds or experiences when we believe we’ve found a mate? Or do we sometimes look for whatever everyone seems to think is ‘in’ and hope that everything else will follow by default? And what is it about the Mr. Darcy’s of the world that have so intrigued generations of women? I still don’t know the answer to most of these questions but the Darcy phenomenon is worth consideration.

Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy has become one of the most well known literary characters in history. Similar to Shakespeare’s Petruchio from Taming Of The Shrew, he is the epitome of the tall, dark and handsome archetype. He is a dominant male who is both intelligent and proud, not to mention implacable, selfish and often overbearing. The negative aspects of his character don’t seem to register however as generations of women have all swooned over the tortured soul who’s hidden passions can apparently be awakened by the right woman.

That’s right, after the advent of feminism and higher education for women, many of us still believe that if only we could meet our own Mr Darcy, we would recognise it in a heartbeat and then live happily ever after. That desire for an equal partner who is sensitive, flexible and fun just flies out the window in favour of the strong, silent type with just a little too much hauteur. We forget the fact that Liz and Fitz didn’t even like each other when they first met and also that Jane Austen herself was never actually married and really could not comment on what happened after you ran off into the sunset with your hearts desire.

For the sake of a perhaps ill-conceived ideal, it seems we are prepared to ignore the fact that the object of our attentions may well be repressed or difficult. We obviously believe perseverance would be the key here and that we would eventually be rewarded but this is possibly not the smartest path. For starters, what message do we send out when we demand one thing and espouse another? And is it any wonder that some women find themselves married to men who in fact remain rigid, dominating and controlling? Maybe we should think about the message that gets sent out to our fellow sisters.

Just because a man is morally upright and devastatingly sexy does not mean that he’s perfect partner material. He may be a wonderful way to pass the time for a while but is he really someone you can see yourself with in 30 years time? I’m just as guilty as the next girl of sighing over Colin Firth, David Rintoul, Lawrence Olivier and Orlando Seale as well, but I should definitely remember to leave it there. Mr Darcy is a two-dimensional, fictitious character and my life is not a storybook. I’m still open for devastatingly sexy though.