The Long Weekend

Ok. So I was feeling slightly churlish on the weekend. I was also feeling extremely guilty that I was feeling slightly churlish. And while I’m at it, I was feeling like a bit of a git because I felt both guilty and churlish and its not that big a deal. Or maybe that was I felt like a git because I put myself into this situation in the first place – and now we’re sort of back to the churlish thing again. Basically my plans for Sunday fell through. This happens. My friend was sick, had been for the past week actually, and felt that it really wasn’t a good idea to do anything. This also happens and is totally fair enough. I have to admit however that my first thought was not ‘I hope they’re ok’ but rather ‘typical’ which I’m really not very proud about. I did think ‘I hope they’re ok’ right after that though.

You know its weird, I fully believe that you should never try to change anyone else. I also find myself trying to consciously put myself in others’ place because I am aware that the world doesn’t necessarily see things the way I do. At the same time however, I still sort of expect people to be like me. Or be the way I want them to be. So its hardly surprising really when things don’t turn out quite the way I want. There is a history of this person cancelling on me, and of me initiating the next arrangements. Rightly or wrongly it kind of feels like I’m a bit of an afterthought sometimes which intellectually I think is not the case. Were the situations reversed, I would try to make some gesture towards finding an alternate arrangement but maybe that’s just me.

So you might say I had a few uncharitable thoughts this weekend. If I hadn’t already planned on being in Sydney on Sunday, I would have driven to Canberra and spent some of the long weekend down there. Going down for Sunday afternoon didn’t seem worth it. Had I not felt that history was merely repeating itself (and I was the only thing being palmed off) then I probably would have taken the above more in my stride as well. As it was however, my plans didn’t work out and I was not enjoying one of my finest moments. Maybe it was just an off weekend though, cause I swear, if I didn’t know that I wasn’t in the middle of a PMS attack on the Saturday I might have wondered.

Normally I like walking through the city on sunny weekends, especially around this time of the year when around every corner there is a bride and groom getting their photos taken or a young family out spending time together. On this particular day though it seemed that everywhere I went there was a pregnant woman or a wedding party just ‘in the way’. Hmm…I was just an all round whiny chick this weekend wasn’t I? On the upside though, I did get to check out the Manly jazz festival on Monday. I headed out that way with my camera and my book and just soaked up the sun, sand and jazz. It was a pleasant and relaxing way to finish up the weekend and definitely left me in good spirits. So all in all it was actually a good long weekend.