The End Of The Affair

If I were a melodramatic sort of person, I might question why the men in my life seem to leave me. Why ‘relationships’ that started out with mutual communication and consideration somehow developed in directions neither of us intended. When at least one of us eventually gained the impression that we may as well have been extracting teeth from the other for where we ended up was hardly looked forward to or comfortable. Why it doesn’t seem to matter that the words change when the action remains the same.

Its not you, its me is the prelude to walking out the door that explains as little as the feelings it actually ends up saving. It’s not just you, I don’t want to talk to anyone, is perhaps marginally more honest but definitely no more desirable. And to he who shall remain nameless, that hurt thankyou very much. I’m so crazy busy at the moment but I’ll get in touch when things are a little less hectic is merely another way of saying don’t call us, we’ll call you and I’ll be moving out next week pretty much presents you with a fait accompli now doesn’t it?

If I were a melodramatic sort of person, I might bemoan the fact that I am once again feeling single in every sense of the word when I come home to an empty flat at night. I might wonder if I will become that strange breed of woman - the crazy spinster - who grows old alone and breeds cats. I can ask will I eventually be pitied like the weak animal in the herd who cannot capture any prey, for in life, it does seem to be the getting of a man that is important rather than the quality (or longevity) of what you end up with.

Of course, not being an entirely melodramatic sort of person, I’d have to say my life is pretty good at the moment. Being single affords me the freedom to do what I want, when I want and being currently without a flatmate (male or female), I can walk to my bathroom naked if I wish without the fear of either being busted or freaking someone else out. Had I no social life outside my working day or my residence at night, things could get a little boring and lonely I’m sure but I have my classes, my group and my friends. I also have my family and my health so having said all that, I definitely have my wealth.

So once again, I’m in a period of transition. And whenever one thing changes, I start thinking about the rest. Is now a time for a new direction, a stopgap measure or merely a replacement for whatever is currently missing? That actually being a flatmate at the moment, I’m still deciding. I think I’d like to stay where I am because I’m kind of liking it at the moment but you know what, it might be nice to have a girl move in for once.