The Naked Husband

After having reread The Bride Stripped Bare, I decided it was probably fitting to follow it with The Naked Husband. At the time this came out, it was billed as the male’s right of reply and although somewhat different in style, is just as honest and blunt about some very personal feelings. This somewhat autobiographical account of the author’s life makes no excuses for the emotions and actions included within, but seeks to explore what happens when relationships break down. When the choices you are faced with are perhaps neither wanted nor ideal.

In this title, fidelity is once again a central issue. There is a bit more discussion however on the impact that this has on the relationships involved and not merely on the individual. I think I found this easier to read but I’m not sure whether that was due to the distance perceived whilst reading a man’s perspective or because we only enter the characters lives after years of marriage (not something I have experience with). Either way, there were still a few things that really stuck out for me in this novel.

The first was the comment by the author that women fake orgasms but men fake relationships. In his own experience, the author found that he became at times only a ghost of himself with his wife. He thought he knew who she was and what she wanted and so went through the motions of having the relationship, being true to neither it nor himself. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t care but perhaps that he didn’t care enough. The idea that someone might marry because it seems something they should do in life is not really attractive. Its not really the sort of thing that imbues you with confidence either.

The other thing that interested me was the feelings of guilt expressed by the author causing him to stay in his marriage for so long. At the same time as we see the divorce rate skyrocketing, I think we also see people who stay together for longer than they should because they feel it is their due. And I’m not talking here about people who are still trying to work things out or those who have decided that they will compromise for children or some other factor but those who have given up and still remain to ‘save’ the other. When one side still loves and the other says I’ve taken too much, it would be unfair to leave.

There is definitely a difference between loving and being in love and just because you are no longer in love does not mean that you don’t care. This still caring however also seems to translate into people maintaining relationships to avoid hurt and confrontation. More often than not though, these relationships eventually disintegrate anyway, leaving both parties dreadfully unhappy. Why is it that we can understand this but still think that it is the best course? Perhaps it is that people are more afraid of change and of it not getting better after being worse. Whatever you think, The Naked Husband does raise some interesting questions. Just like us, the author doesn’t have all the answers in life but maybe it is the attempt at getting them, which is truly important.