What's My Line?

I was brought up to be courteous, considerate and compassionate towards others. My parents raised me to believe that there is no cause to inflict harm on someone else by word or by deed if they have done nothing overt to you. And I think I manage that for the most part. When strange hawkers on the street petition me, I think a simple ‘no thanks’ is sufficient and likewise if I’m ever confronted by unwanted attention from guys. On the whole, I think that this is probably a good way to be but it does have slight disadvantages.

Recently, when my friend was accosted in a pub, my first reaction was to push back not to incapacitate (which he fully deserved btw). I am also possessed of a rather dry sense of humour and enjoy sarcasm (even if it is the lowest form of wit) so there are some things I probably couldn’t bring myself to actually say. No matter how much I’d like to. Like the following comeback lines for instance:

I can’t believe that a gorgeous girl like you pass up the opportunity to have a drink with me. Try.

Where have you been all my life? Hiding from you.

Haven’t I seen you some place before? Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Is this seat empty? Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Your place or mine? Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.

So, what do you do for a living? I’m a female impersonator.

Hey Baby, whats your sign? Do not enter.

Your body is a temple. Sorry, there are no services today.

I would go to the end of the world for you. Yes, but would you stay there?

Would you like to go on a date? I don’t date outside my own species.

I am the answer to your dreams. You have a feather duster, handcuffs and a donkey?

Hey, how about it? You and me…you know…together? I have a policy not to date anyone who didn’t or can’t pass high school English.

Would you like to sit on my face? Why, is your nose your longest appendage?

If I could see you naked, I’d die happy. If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.