Slang It To Me Baby

If you are currently dating more than one person but trying to convince your dates that you are not, then you might be engaging in a bit of hedging. If you are letting someone repeatedly walk all over you then it could be considered that you have turned into a welcome mat. If you prefer being older than your partner but have trouble finding people remotely close to your own age then you will possibly be referred to as one who likes to rob the cradle and if you are not above treading over someone else’s ground, then you could be out cutting grass.

This last euphemism is probably the most recent addition in my lexicon of relationship language and so I thought, why not put it here? It is apparently the term you use to describe the actions of someone pursuing another who is not actually single. The theory behind this, so I’m told, is that if you are in a relationship, your partner should be considered your own private Garden of Eden. Their affections are therefore in effect, part of your ‘turf’ and if someone else is taking pieces of that with them when they trespass, they are definitely cutting (your) grass. I don’t think it would surprise you to know that I heard this from a guy.

Regardless of whether you have heard (or used) any of the above phrases though, it is likely that you will have used some form of colloquial expression whilst discussing relationships. There is definitely a large variety of slang out there, which seems to serve a number of purposes. When I was in high school, it was cool to dish on who was getting on and or off with whom. It was almost like we’d adopted a secret code that we felt must be unique to our peer group. Something that proved we were on the inside of any circle when we could use it in conversation and that would be reasonably incomprehensible to our parents, which on occasion, it probably was.

Now that we have grown up somewhat, a few of the words and expressions have been replaced but apparently not the need for them. Its still cool to know the current lingo and you only need to flick on Big Brother Uncut to see that language is constantly being updated. You can also see that this occasionally oblique speak is also used to make some things sound better than they are. I mean how many times do people trot out platitudes as if uttering one will be the pinnacle of any conversation? You don’t know what you want? Well the only way to find out is to play the field a little. You’ve been rather unlucky in love? Well then theres plenty more fish in the sea…

But it all comes out in the wash really doesn’t it? Especially if someone throws the fish cliche at you. My favourite reply to that is to say - yeah, mullets and gropers.