A Year And A Day

Well having been rather slack over the past few days, I did not get around to posting (or even finishing) something I started on Friday. In the grand scheme of things, that doesn’t make a really big difference, but now the whole ‘year and a day’ thing is more like a year and a few days which just sounds kinda silly, and what I originally mentioned as a future event, has now passed. Although I have had to re-write a few things however, they weren’t actually what the post was about anyway. That having been said…

About a year ago, I (rather glibly in fact), announced that I was going to be married within a year. I had read a book that assured me this was possible if I followed certain steps and since the idea entertained me, I figured I had nothing to lose. So I duly noted down my ‘deal breakers’, what I wanted out of a relationship and a list of the values I expected my future partner to possess. ‘The Marriage Plan’ asserted that everything would workout within the timeframe I’d set, if I just put my mind to it. Which I didn’t. This would probably explain why I’m not at all married now. I did actually attend a wedding this weekend – but it wasn’t mine. I was reminded though, especially given all the comments I’ve read elsewhere about checklists recently, of that list that I had made.

In order not to seem too demanding I guess, the desired values had been narrowed down to five. In perhaps the true fashion of a female however, I made them encompass everything else I wanted as well. In another post I mentioned two of these values, being integrity and loyalty, but the last three were generosity, intimacy and ambition. Coming back to them now, I think generosity and intimacy were somewhat linked in my head. I understood them to represent a person who was prepared to give of themselves, both emotionally and physically but also a person who would seek to bring that spirit out in their partner and forge a steadfast bond. Someone who was willing to commit time and energy to a relationship on an ongoing basis.

Within the value of ambition, I envisaged someone who would always be open to broadening their horizons and who truly believed that people never stop learning in both the public and the private arena. Unlike the more traditional connotations of the word, this was not about wanting either wealth or a great career (although there is nothing wrong with either of those in and of themselves). I thought I wanted to be with someone who did not merely settle in a constant routine but would seek challenges and new experiences, in and outside of the home. At least up to a point. I will be honest and say that for me, the thought of living out of a backpack for a couple of months on end is not exactly thrilling but I’d love to have someone come overseas with me for a while.

Now I honestly have no idea what other people think when they read this. Does it all sound naïve? Does it sound selfish? Does it seem like a good starting off point? As I come back to what I wrote myself, I wonder would I change or add anything. In addition to the above, I happily asserted a year ago that I would not give up any of my friends nor financial control over my life and that I would not be with a smoker. I’ve also said a lot of other things in my time as well though. Maybe, right now, I just think that relationships are about checks and balances. You might be able to find most of the things you want but will have to ask for those others that you need. In return you may be required to offer something new as well. In the end, you must decide if its worth it.

I once heard marriage described as the relationship between a man and a woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. I think if I could find that it would be worth it. Well, as long as they had an appreciation for sarcastic wit and they could truly make me laugh.