Nothing To Write Home About

I remember being at a party once and talking to a girl about looking for a job. Well, actually, she was probably more a young woman than a girl but I was suitably surprised at the time by what she said. She claimed to be quite fussy about the work she wanted but pretty much announced that whatever she did take up, it couldn’t be a long term sort of endeavour as she intended to get married and have children in the near future. Now this in itself is not so strange. What surprised me was that she also wanted to know if there were any suitable men around that could enable her to do this as well.

Now call me a snob but at the time that rubbed me up the wrong way. Actually, as I look back on it now, theres still something about it that doesn’t sit quite right with me. For an old-fashioned girl (sort of) who is also a hopeless romantic, I do have some very strong ideas about what one should ‘expect’ from life and what they should do in order to get it. I’ve actually got nothing against women staying at home full time and raising families if that is what they wish. I think society needs women who want to do this but I also think we need people who want to do it for the right reasons.

But who am I to say what those reasons are, or even that someone else’s reasons may not be good enough? People develop as they go through situations anyway. I was thinking the other day about how my outlook is slightly different now to what it was before. I was reflecting on the whole life partner / family thing with a girlfriend recently and we both thought it was almost scary how ok we would be with the idea of getting married and having children in the near future. I’d like to point out here that neither of us were planning on it at all (my mum can rest easy) but unlike our other girlfriends who absolutely do not want kids and the rest of it right now, we would go with the flow.

Apart from the fact that I can’t really imagine what sort of person might consider that they could put up with me permanently, I think I could handle the ‘for better or worse’ deal though. The ‘for richer or poorer’ and ‘in sickness and in health’ part too. Even if it can be terribly unappealing at times. I have to say that I was not looking much like a prime candidate this last weekend, that’s for sure. During an incredibly uncomfortable bout of food poisoning, there were colours and smells I really don’t want to become acquainted with again in the near future and as I lay curled up on the bathroom floor, the last word anyone would have used to describe me was attractive.

But till such time as someone is dumb enough, sorry that was lucky enough to go out with me however, I am going to pursue the funky single thing. Well, once I figure out what it is anyway. And it shall be glorious. I might also try to locate my missing mojo too. What do you reckon?

The Working Girl

Can I just say that those little earpiece / headset telephone things are really cool? I managed to swipe one off another desk at work recently and all of a sudden, I’m feeling that little bit more professional. My communication style has just been bumped up a notch as the business language now flows from my mouth as freely as both my hands can fly over the keyboard. I could have used one of these six months ago of course when I was spending upwards of an hour at a time on hold, but right now, my neck is thanking me for not having to hold my head at a forty-five degree angle constantly. This looks stupid and its uncomfortable. It’s the little things in life – you know?

And this is just one of the things in my working environment that makes me smile. Another would have to be the fascination one or two people have with my single state. I think my entire office (or at least about one hundred of them) found it terribly amusing that I participated in the Sydney Morning Herald’s Kiss And Tell feature last year. Since then, I will occasionally get check ups on whether I’ve found a man yet and inevitably encouragement assuring me that I’ll get there one day and it’ll be worth it when I do. It cracks me up sometimes but it is actually nice to know they care. One colleague in particular always has something positive to say too. I don’t really have the heart to say I’m not looking right now.

It also seemed to be somewhat of a let down when I told someone what my plans were for a long weekend away. It was apparently rather exciting that I was going to be STAYING WITH A MAN for a few days but rather unfortunate that it wasn’t for the express purpose of getting up to something I couldn’t repeat in polite company later. At first I wasn’t quite sure what to think about this but I am choosing to be more amused by the reaction than concerned that I may be appearing – for want of a much better word – desperate. Do I look desperate? You probably can’t answer that. Do I sound desperate? Maybe I don’t want you to answer that. I really think I’m ok right at the moment though.

I’m just chilling here. I still think about dating stuff so I can hopefully come up with something to write, but I’m not obsessed by it. For the most part, I just enjoy learning new things and finding a way to express them I think. And that has brought to mind another thing. A few people at work have repeatedly shown interest in reading this blog recently. Not quite sure why. I have managed to palm them off so far however. It is of course ridiculous to think that I can control who does and does not read this but I can choose to whom I actually do give out the address. I just think that there are some things in my life that I don’t need to bring to work – even if it ends up there in the end anyway.

Update

After having previously posted on my current employment situation – or potential lack thereof – I thought that maybe an update was in order. Although its not really much of an update. Basically I will be made redundant in about five months. I was unsuccessful in securing a position in which I had interest and will now have to go through the motions of starting again. On the whole I think I’m happy about that. It seems this year is shaping up to be one in which I am learning new things about myself. And this is sort of as scary as it is exciting at times really. I don’t think I’m growing up so much as growing into myself though (however, when I read this in another couple of years, I’m sure I will either find that totally embarrassing or quite hilarious).

Anyway, this week has been one where I have been pondering on a few things. One of those is the depressing knowledge that I’m really not as funny as I’d like to think I am. Everyone else has known this for a while of course but it has come to my attention recently that some people who do know me personally actually are reading this site. I have to ask why? I can certainly think of better things to do. I always had in my mind the image of a witty commentary on modern dating life and even though I’m pretty sure I have mostly fallen short of that, I did used to find myself amusing at least. Sad, I know. I seem to have misplaced my mojo somewhere along the way however, has anyone seen it?

Another thing that has crossed my mind this week is how annoying I can be to get to know. Hallelujah, I can hear some people say – although I must point out I didn’t say I really knew what to do about it. I have been thinking however that it is rather frustrating to be around people that you just can’t read and then it kind of struck me how guarded I can be. Some people build walls around themselves that may as well be covered with neon signs that flash ‘go away, I don’t want you here’ but other people have walls that appear suddenly and seem to curve around to a gate which is inevitably shut and bears a sign at head height which reads ‘you’re not going to get in here today’.

And whilst I’m on somewhat random topics, I was also thinking about how over looking for a relationship I am (I’m sure there was a more grammatically correct way to say that too but you know what I mean). Yes, I know that you can’t really go looking for something like that anyway and no, I was never really looking for one in the first place but I think I always sort of had half an eye on it. I’m not saying that I don’t want one or wouldn’t get married and settle down if the right opportunity came along but I guess I’m saying that I’m also happy being single at the moment. I’m getting the hang of not waiting for my life to happen which can only be a good thing. Although now its time for sleep to happen I think so that’s enough of an update for now.

What Would Richard Say

Have you ever caught yourself engrossed in front of the television, listening to David Attenborough talk about the wonders of the natural world? I swear his voice is hypnotic and I’m not at all sure it really matters what he actually says. He commands your attention however as he illuminates the mating habits of the Lemurs or some such creature in that terribly British way of his, and you find yourself enraptured (or perhaps held captive) for far longer than you would have intended. Have you ever wondered what a disinterested party might make of our mating habits? Perhaps in an alternate universe, some being with a following akin to good old Dick will be talking about…

…The bizarre mating rituals of the humans. Although possessing both a male and a female sex, these creatures will come together in every combination possible. By far the most prominent however, is the pair that facilitates procreation. And in order to progress to this occasion, there are a wide variety of rituals that may be observed. One of the most unusual is that of the ‘night club’. Here, individuals looking to find a partner will spend time in a dark, noisy and confined space. Often, they will also consume substances which ensure that not only their physical means of judgement are impaired, but also their intellectual and emotional ones...

Quite possibly their sentences would be more succinct. Precisely capturing the subject in which they wished to educate their audience. They would clearly support the images however, of men and women buzzing around like bees with no practical effect whatsoever. From time to time it may also appear that the subjects in question were going through some physical trial involving spasmodic movement. But the recitation would be delivered calmly with just a hint of avid fascination that inspired both awe and continued attention from the audience. They would then embark on the journey that followed the path of…

…Two individuals who have noticed each other. In this situation it is acceptable for either the male or the female to approach first. In the females case, she is best appearing initially at a distance. This enables the male to identify her as non-threatening. She is also best served by approaching from the side rather than head on for the same reason. Once the approach has been made both parties must display clusters of mating behaviour for the meeting to be successful. This broadcasts their interest and warns off competition that may impede a successful outcome...

Don’t you think? I can see that it might be possible to have an absolute field day if all you could do was observe and you didn’t really have much of a context. Actually, I think some of it is kind of weird even when you do know what is going on so to speak. It is kind of interesting when you start reading what some ‘experts’ have to say on the topic. I’m still pretty clueless on the whole but maybe one day I’ll actually know what I’m talking about. Then again, maybe not.

Good Time Girls

After what I previously wrote about, it seemed only fitting that I was in the doctor’s surgery today reading about women who actually make a career out of being a party girl. You know, the girls who never pay when they go out, are recognised at the door by all the exclusive clubs, are invited on private yachts, jets and estates and maintain a lifestyle most of us only ever dream about? What I found interesting though was that according to these girls, they are all far from being ‘princesses’ and should anyone who works the circuit so to speak, start getting a bit big for their boots, they will actually be weeded out reasonably quickly.

Beauty these days it seems is a premium. It is desired by many and can definitely be traded but what does it take to be seen as attractive by rich playboys whose backyard may indeed span continents? Certainly the physical attributes play a vital part but so too does spontaneity, optimism and manners. Party girls say please and thankyou and truly appreciate what others provide on their behalf. In return for shall we say, financial sponsorship, they are the energetic life of the party, the person you most want sitting on your table and a breath of fresh air into any gathering. And whats more, they don’t have to take their clothes off to do it.

‘Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll’ seems to be the impression that most of us people who read gossip rags (rather than appear in them), have of the life that these women lead. Whilst those elements are definitely a part of the scene however, they are not for everyone. One of the ‘party girls’ interviewed stated that if you want to stick around for a while, you are better off not sleeping with every guy that does you a favour as they will lose respect for you and will more than likely not want you anymore after they’ve had you. She also said that getting yourself hooked on drugs was a good way to get left by the wayside somewhere.

So it seems there is a little more to these party girls than meets the eye. They are of course stunning and the envy of those around them but they work at providing uncomplicated friendship and a positive outlook. Which is easier said than done if you think about it. I recently heard a speaker challenge their audience to go 24 hours without complaining – about anything. Even if it was legitimate. Because these women are providing their personality and appearance in return for an opportunity they could not afford to provide themselves, they need to be the kind of person other people want to know.

They also need to have the right name. Once upon a time, all the good time girls were Cindy or Candy or Bobby or Tracy. Now, according to one security guard, its names that end with ‘a’. Michaela, Tamara, Samantha and Renata are the new best friends. So it’s a good thing I wasn’t planning on the jet set life. I guess Gauchegirl doesn’t really cut it, does it?

Sydney Princess

Well after attending a women’s conference last week, I can now categorically tell you that I am risen, empowered and beautiful to the core. I can also tell you that I’m somewhat more relaxed than I used to be. Once upon a time I was what my friend Naughty M, affectionately called the Cupboard Door Nazi. It used to drive me absolutely spare when I would walk into my kitchen to find cupboard doors and drawers left open when I knew nobody was home. After returning home from three nights away at the conference however to find a bomb had pretty much hit my kitchen, and blasted a few doors open to boot, I was just like - that’ll be a bugger to set to rights tomorrow, hope I don’t have to do it.

So yes, I have learned that I am a ‘warrior daughter princess’ but methinks I am a bit less of the ‘princess’ than I used to be. Which on the whole I am quite happy about really. I know that the ‘princess’ message of the conference and the ‘Sydney Princess’ label which seems to be thrown about with great fervour in some circles, are not even remotely related. I also know that those who have recently referred to me as one of those ‘Sydney’ girls were actually trying to compliment me (I think) and were not calling me a ‘princess’ but I have heard enough about the Sydney Princesses in the past month or so to know that I definitely don’t want to be one.

I was going to say here that I wouldn’t even know how to be one but then that just got me thinking. As you do. What is it about these girls that makes them one of those girls? Is it the total lack of consideration for anyone but themselves? Do you just grow up that way or is there like some rule book floating around? Maybe containing something along the lines of On the subject of men, never go after them. This behaviour merely prevents them chasing you, distracts your attention from anything better that might come along and suggests that you are the one who has to work to win them. Never tax your brain unduly. It creates facial lines and magnifies the need for botox later in life. Only chase a man when it enables you to gain victory over a rival...

You think? Maybe not. But now that I think on it some more, maybe even if you did actually figure out what it is to become one of these girls, it would just take too much hard work to even bother, that is assuming you even wanted to. It almost sounds like a contradiction in terms but I think it would take an awful lot of effort to become that self absorbed. Ok, yes, I can be plenty self absorbed myself at times so people in glass houses really shouldn’t throw stones and all that but hopefully I’m never that bad. If I was then I might not be able to laugh at myself anymore and that would be a bit sad. My sister tells me I do and say plenty of silly things that she finds terribly amusing so I wouldn’t want to miss out. And if I get around to writing about it here, well then everyone else could join in too.

A New Trend?

My cousin and I were walking through a shopping centre last year sometime when we came up behind a couple of teenage girls and overheard part of their conversation. ‘Oh my God! That wedding was so sweet! Don’t you think?’ to which her friend replied ‘Yeah, it was really nice. You do know that they only got married so they could have sex don’t you?’. My cousin and I just looked at each other for a moment and then she commented that after hearing that, you know that they’re either Christian or have been watching Home and Away. And I mention this because firstly, I thought it was funny (although perhaps you had to be there) and secondly, it brought to my attention the fact that the average age of marriage is now somewhat older than it used to be.

As a female in my mother’s or my grandmother’s generation, it was very much expected that you should grow up, get married and start a family sooner rather than later. Far fewer women were worried about carving out a career path as they never expected to be able to follow it. Society, and men, were looking for good wives and mothers so when figuring out what image you wanted to portray to get ahead in life, the ambitious astrophysicist wasn’t it. Now though, in the realm of relationships, rather than being starved for choice, some would argue that we are starved by too much choice. In every aspect of our lives. As our horizons have broadened, so too have our desires and now it’s a whole new ball game.

I thought it was interesting that the concept of extreme sports has only really taken off in the last generation or so. Specifically for men, their personal income is no longer taken up with trying to support a family at an early age and they now have far more opportunity to pursue other endeavours. Women also revel in their disposable income and maintain a standard of living that is not necessarily conducive to the home, husband, 2.4 kids and a dog. Does this make it harder to ‘settle down’ later? I don’t know. I am aware that this is a bit of a generalisation but it is also at least part of the reason that people are currently marrying later in life. People achieve personal fulfilment outside of intimate relationships and some people now want a lot more while they are in them.

So where does this leave us? Well I could go all serious but what I was really thinking about here was extreme dating. They say if you want to meet like minded individuals, you should frequent places where they might be. So if you’re after the risk taker / spontaneous / energetic type of person, forget bars, nightclubs and sporting matches – start hanging out halfway down a cliff. I have heard that one of the dating companies did some sort of event during a bridge climb over Sydney Harbour but how about tandem bungy jumping or rock climbing? This wouldn’t be for everyone of course. I personally am a bit of a chicken when it comes to this sort of thing (it took me a year or so to work up to The Devil at Wonderland) but since fear and love are apparently quite close in the brain, the idea does some have merit. Don't you think?