How To Lose A Girl In Ten Ways

Many of us are familiar with the movie How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days. Maybe not everyone has actually seen it because lets face it, a lot of people don’t really go in for the whole hearts and flowers genre of romantic comedy. It was a cute chick flick however that was widely advertised and it did good things for sales of ladies eveningwear in yellow. It also gently brought up the topic of things women do in relationships that more often than not produce negative consequences. They were portrayed in the typical Hollywood fashion which was over the top of course but it may still have made a few women think. It made me think – about the reverse.

I can easily see how a girl might get rid of a guy (whether she means to or not). Once that obsessive compulsive cupboard gets opened for instance there could well be a rush for the back door but what happens when a girl just won’t let go? Or more to the point, what do guys do when they are not man enough to break things off themselves? I am female and on behalf of my suffering sisters I am allowed to be biased here. As some people might have experienced, there are guys who find it easier getting the woman to do the dumping. And wouldn’t you know it, if you were wondering on exactly how one might accomplish that, there are sources on the internet that can tell you. Just askmen.com.

The suggestions I read actually started off with a warning. It was strongly recommended that you first gauge your subject’s personality prior to trying anything out. Just in case they were they type of person who saw problems as 'projects' and would want to help you work through them. Assuming that the soon-to-be ex was not in need of getting their head read however (and that you didn’t find that so patronising that you couldn’t read on), they had the following to say…Hang with her girlfriends. The tactic here apparently is to make her feel unloved, unwanted and insignificant. That’s certainly a one way to start I guess, and that was only number ten. The next was let yourself go. Which is also self-explanatory really, with just a touch of poetic justice if it worked.

From there it moved on to be a bad date and become what women ‘want’. These were about appearing incompatible and discouraging all desire to be around each other. If she likes going out, break dates to watch football on tv and if she craves communication, share every single feeling with her, call her constantly, get emotional on her and simply smother her. Like she wouldn’t suddenly find that odd? But if that doesn’t work you can always bring out the kink or perhaps start stupid fights (a lot of them I assume). They suggest attacking things she has pride in. I personally would suggest growing up but that is obviously not the point. The next point was start the ‘talk’.

It is considered opinion that when women dump their boyfriends they couch it gently in long-winded explanations. If you can get the head start on this however and be ambiguous to boot, she might just get sick of it first. If that doesn’t work, you can always compare her to your mother. Unfavourably. That will most probably tick her off but if its not enough, utter the F-word. And just to be clear here, they weren’t talking about swearing (although who would want that?), they were talking about ‘fat’. Pot shots on a girl’s weight never go down well. If however she is strong and you want to show her exactly how much she doesn’t deserve you, there is always the option to cheat on her. Like that will solve more problems than it creates. Its just great what you can find on the internet these days isn’t it?

So ladies, just a word to the wise, if your guy is acting weird, make sure he’s not running down the list. And guys who think these ideas are great, what I wish for you is not repeatable in polite conversation.

A Dubious Honour

Like many women I do periodically suffer from the ‘why wasn’t it me’ affliction. This is more often than not, a totally pointless exercise where something happens to your best friend, your work colleague, the person who happens to be standing beside you or just about anyone else really and one of your main responses is to bemoan that fact that it didn’t happen to you. It could be about something significant like a promotion or a bonus, or about something so ridiculous, it should actually be embarrassing. Like getting felt up in a nightclub. What? I’m not attractive enough? Why’d everyone else I came with get touched inappropriately!? Stupid but true. I’m not proud here, just sharing. Basically because I got to be that girl on the weekend.

I headed out of town on Friday and got to enjoy the happy hour at the hotel I was staying at and the evening meal on the company tab. I then went out to sample the nightlife and within about ten minutes or so, some enterprising guy decided to cop a feel. As a female, I think I’m supposed to be morally outraged by that. Perhaps have a rant about the objectification of women – or tell you that I punched his lights out or something to that effect. Nothing that exciting happened unfortunately. I basically just turned around and laughed at him. And a small part of me does actually hope that he at least enjoyed it because it sure did jack for me. That way it wasn’t a complete waste (although that’s very un-PC I know).

Of course, it might have been a different story if I hadn’t partaken of a little social lubrication prior to going out or if it had actually happened to one of my work colleagues and not to me. I can get a little aggressive on behalf of other people. I once endeavoured to claw a guy who refused to let my friend go in a bar and I sincerely hope it was painful. On the weekend however, I wasn’t really that fussed. More bemused I think by the fact he’d gotten that fresh and where it wasn’t at all crowded. This definitely does not happen to me very often. I guess I know why people do it, I’ve heard commentary from sociology and psych majors before but I must admit that I still don’t get it.

To my way of thinking, what do you actually accomplish in a couple of seconds that makes it worthwhile? The fact that you did it so your mates know you’re capable of feeling up some random female? Woohoo! It sure as hell isn’t going to improve your technique with women, that’s for sure. And personally, I would think that in this day and age, that there is the very real potential to get the crap kicked out of you for this kind of behaviour. More and more women are taking up kick-boxing classes and the like and we are all told that we don’t have to put up with unwanted attention so there is in fact a good possibility of the guy coming off second best. Before another male steps in on her behalf. Each to their own though I guess.

Traffic

So I was reading this blog today about how to build up blog traffic. Not because I particularly want to build blog traffic myself but because I happened to surf past the site and something caught my eye. And then I stopped to read. Apparently there are three main tenets that one should strategise along (I’m paraphrasing here - does that actually make sense?) to accomplish this illustrious goal. These are Content, Community and Technology. The article then went on to further break down the first category of Content. The secret to having truly great content on a blog which will ultimately allow you to reach out beyond your social network I was told, is to be Useful, Entertaining or Timely – or of course a combination of all three.

Incidentally, this would explain why I would probably have a snowballs chance in hell of earning a living (or even renown come to think of it) from what is written here. I sincerely hope that it is at least mildly entertaining but I wouldn’t say that it is in any way timely and its certainly not useful. Twenty years down the track I’ll have a great time laughing at all the stupid things I’ve said to be sure, but apart from that I’m not positive that this really serves any purpose whatsoever. Well, unless you’re keeping tabs on whether I happen to be unattached or otherwise. But back to the fact that I was reading this entry, it may sound like a bit of a jump, however it struck me that the way to great content could also be reasons people enter into relationships.

Think about it. If what you can provide is useful then people will continue to come back for more. If whatever talent or attribute you were seen to possess doesn’t go out of style or out of date, others will more than likely continue to seek you out. When someone has the innate ability to completely understand you and provide emotional support or, you know, is really good at getting rid of spiders and taking out the trash, why wouldn’t you keep them around? Likewise if they were entertaining. Just as a junkie can’t wait for the next hit, it seems we all want to be entertained now and some things really are only a single click away from oblivion. Make someone laugh or intrigue them and they’ll pay attention, bore them stupid and they possibly won’t even bother to remember you for having done that.

Then you get to the last of the three which is being timely. I guess its always nice to think of yourself as being just what the doctor ordered and in the nick of time. To be right there and able to fill a gap takes a certain sort of talent I suppose. Either that or a lot of just hanging around trying not to look like part of the furniture. Of course, one could possibly consider that this would be the most unflattering reason for someone to want to be with you. If you were what happened to be in the right place at the right time so to speak but you do get all sorts in this world. And that was pretty much the extent of my thought on this Thursday night. It was around this part of the article, the part after the three types of content, that the author chose to mention the topic of ‘focus’ and that one should ‘post frequently, but not at the expense of quality’. It was all kind of interesting really. Its merely a pity that over the years I have developed the selective talent of letting some things go in one ear and out the other. Oh well.

A La Carte

Have you ever noticed that when single people are asked what they want in a partner, they never say ‘well beggars can’t be choosers’? Whether you’re picky and pedantic or merely practical, the question is usually responded to with a list (or in some cases a litany) of attributes that might be desired in another person. And have you also noticed that when you answer this sort of question, it feels a bit like trying to order off a menu? You like this, you can’t stand that, you’re partial to something else and of course you want what is going to sate your desire best. Yes? No? That’s just me? Do you think it’d be easier if we could pick and choose like that? Could a good relationship be like a fine dining experience?

I can just imagine turning up somewhere, possibly with good friends with whom you’d like to be able to share your journey. There is a friendly atmosphere that reflects both comfort and style and would be a place where you can feel relaxed and just a little bit special. You sit down and start off with drinks to get you in the mood. Something to stimulate the palate, a good conversation. You peruse the menu identifying those things that appeal and those that turn you off. Perhaps you can take one look at what is on offer and make your decision easily or you might want to confer with your dinner companions. They might have dined there before or could otherwise offer advice which might aid your decision.

You might start off with something light. It could be that tall, dark and handsome (or slim, busty and blonde) is your standard. Whatever it is it will invariably come with a garnish that might as well be good dress sense cause if you’re going ‘out’ it really isn’t just about how it tastes. After your entrée, your mains will contain a little more substance. Conversation, consideration and compassion, not to mention a good sense of humour, are pretty much staple ingredients. Some people will lean towards these with an intrepid sense of adventure whereas there are those that appreciate something quieter or more intellectual. A passion for creation or invention is also a popular choice. Being good with your hands is always…handy.

Not everyone will go for dessert but if you’re anything like me, you might have a sweet tooth and see this course as an important part of the meal. If you’re going for indulgence then it could be a romantic streak that appeals. It might be someone who likes sports or shopping or maybe someone who really shines in social situations. Whatever your preference, this would then be followed up with coffee and commitment (or was that liqueur and love). All in all, a good meal will flow seamlessly, each course prepared to perfection and arriving right on time. That sounds rather nice I think. But it really doesn’t work like that.

Personally, the last time I went to a restaurant (a real one that is), they had already run out of my first two choices for a main course. They also ran out of my choice of dessert which turned into a double whammy because they forgot to actually tell me this before they brought out everyone else’s. I must say, it was a bit disappointing. I am the person who can go out for my favourite meal only to find that it is no longer on the menu or who will ask for something to be told my request cannot be accommodated. Fortunately though, I am also a fan of food and will not let this deter me. But hey, if all else fails there’s always McDonalds and their slogan is ‘I’m lovin’ it’. What do you think?

Mail 1 Male 0

I have a sneaking suspicion that I write far better than I speak. This is probably not hard as I can usually spell and text never gets lost through lack of volume or mumbling. As words get read at the speed of the reader rather than the writer, they are also not lost in rapid fire speech through which it is almost impossible to ascertain where one word ends and the next one begins – unlessyouwritelikethiswhichIdon’t. My father will tell you it was an uphill battle to get me to stop talking this once upon a time. There is a little more to being well written though. I used to tell people that I frequently write the way I speak. And I do in part, seeing as I have no problem beginning this sentence with a conjunction. I still however find it particularly painful to end a written sentence with a preposition and tend to use ‘business English’ quite comfortably.

Normally I don’t think much about the way I write, but yesterday a collection of things brought it to my attention. Three of those were non-related comments on work emails I had written. I needed to communicate to some foreign suppliers what was to be sent to Australia, explain to a government body why we were in breach of their requirements (we got let off btw) and request information from a freight company. Each of the three audiences was quite different I guess and the individual colleagues that had been copied in on my emails all made positive comments. This was cool but as it happened on the same day, kind of weird as well. The other thing that made me think about the way I write was a column on internet dating.

Comments made in response to this column talked about the fact that personalities were sometimes quite different in the flesh than they were over the computer. I have experienced that myself and can easily see how it might happen. It is of course an awful lot easier to edit what you write (I have already edited the above) than it is to moderate your speech whilst you are speaking. Well, for a lot of us it is anyway. Quite frankly for some of us, attempting to moderate speech is somewhat akin to shutting the barn door once the horse has already bolted. I’m sure this has something to do with why I’ve been on more first dates than second ones. Via email, its almost as if you have extra time to work on your personality. You never get to the punch line before you get to the joke and it becomes easier to shape other people’s impressions of you.

You have the opportunity over the net of only showing your good side. With internet dating, the initial emails are usually fun, get-to-know-you type missives and they never seem the right place to explain just how scathing you can get when you’re furious. You would most probably give the wrong impression if you were to issue a list early on outlining all the actions guaranteed to tick you off no matter how much you may wish to do just that. Any previous violent tendencies like wanting to kick someone where the sun don’t shine hard enough that they’ll be trying to swallow their tonsils for a week would likewise make you sound somewhat unbalanced – that fact that you’d never do such a thing is irrelevant. So all in all, email certainly does have its advantages bit it is still frustrating that the natural element is missing. And that my emails seem more exciting than I am at the moment - even to me!

Why Are You Still Single

So today boys and girls, we come to the question of ‘Why are you still single?’. And I happen to know why I am still single. I asked that bastion of all knowledge, the internet to tell me and like a good little puppy, it went and fetched the information. Apparently I am ‘wounded and withdrawn’. I’m not quite sure on the how or why but there it is. After answering ten somewhat inane multiple choice questions, with equally inane options, the verdict is that I am in a pattern of denial and I need to break out to find the love that I deserve. I need to learn that ‘love kicks in when we are vulnerable with each other’ and ‘that’s not pathetic, that’s just human’.

So in my future, I must be wary of my fear of intimacy. I need to be conscious of not choosing a commitment-phobe or someone I don’t respect (and therefore to whom I won’t become attached). I also need to not hide out in a career or other interest and to find the confidence to know that no matter what, I’ll be OK. And that’s why I am still single. But why are you single? Well browsing around the net looking for enlightenment, you can’t help but notice that there are literally thousands upon thousands of profiles from people who are searching. And despite the fact that there are testimonies from people who swear by the net as a means to find love, there are some who will never reach that elusive goal. This may give you a clue as to why.

You are illiterate. Well obviously if you have managed to get a profile up on the web you have some semblance of the written word and the Latin alphabet but if you are trying to make a favourable impression with text, something jus2pleezu might not do it. Of course, you could try SHOUTING AT YOUR AUDIENCE BUT THAT IS JUST ANNOYING as well. If your goign to write a few sentinces for there information, I would suggest that you brush up on your grammar first though. And your spelling - especially if you claim to be educated. And if you can’t see any problems in the above paragraph, many word programs have both spelling and grammar checks in them. Learn to use them.

You do not look attractive. Now before you get offended, I am not talking about being ‘good looking’ or being a top contender in the six-pack stakes. I am talking about what we can see in your photo. Or what we can’t. I want to see your eyes, not your choice in sunglasses. I want to see you sober and without the bottles of whatever you drank the night before in the background. That’s the thing with photos. The camera captures whatever it sees, not just what you want it to see. It does help if you learn to get it in focus though. I don’t particularly want to see a self-portrait you took in your bathroom mirror and I’d like to see you in clothes you would go out in. You don’t have to look dressed up but it’d be nice if you weren’t showing off your faded wife beater.

You lack manners. This is another one that sounds easy but apparently is not. There is a time and a place for everything and in the profile you (I assume) wish to use to attract the opposite sex, you do not need to swear, complain about your life, bitch about your ex, tell me your friends are all idiots, let me know if you’re well hung, convert me to your religion, recount your sexual past, refer to other women of your acquaintance as sluts, explain how you fixed the leak in your shower, inform me you currently have a post-viral condition or give me your entire life history. Honesty is a good thing. Being tactless, tasteless or otherwise trying is not. Whats the difference? Think about why you’re writing the profile and then what you would feel comfortable telling a stranger on the street. If you can honestly answer all of the above then good luck to you.

So theres my handy hints. In all honesty, I did pinch some of the above from something I read a while back but basically because as I was reading it I was thinking ‘yes, Yes, YES! I totally know what you mean!’. I still feel it is a real pity that some people don’t.

Paris In Winter

So I was feeling a little unhappy towards the end of last week. Nothing was wrong per se and I was not unhappy in the sense that I was actually sad or depressed but there is a state of being happy where you are positive and relaxed and content – and I just wasn’t it. I wasn’t out painting the town red and laughing at all the world’s follies. I wasn’t sipping champagne and making men fall at my feet…actually, that never happens anyway and if I was sipping champagne it would probably be me doing the falling at the feet thing…Regardless, you know how when you do not particularly care enough to be interested you are disinterested? Well I was ‘dishappy’ except that that sounds demented so perhaps we’ll stick with the first word choice.

Whichever choice of word you go with however, it would actually not be applicable to the end of my week. As it happens, I was most gloriously saved by my friend Paris. We spent the afternoon hanging out and it just put me on the biggest high. We talked non-stop about everything and nothing and enjoyed the sunshine around the Botanical Gardens and the Harbour. It was awesome. Can you get drunk on other people? If you can I was probably close to that on Sunday afternoon. It was the most relaxing couple of hours that I have spent in ages. I’ve missed that feeling recently. Paris and I have actually had a somewhat rocky friendship over the last decade or so but we just picked up as if nothing had happened and we hadn’t been out of touch for years.

Not once did I worry if I sounded silly or stupid. I never second guessed voicing an opinion. I didn’t get concerned that I was coming across as pretentious or weird and I felt that I was understood – without qualifications, clarifications or explanations. It’s a heady sensation. You know, I am a big fan of flirting. Its fun to meet new people and match wits with them. It makes me smile when I get to be a bit cheeky or a tad naughty. The anticipation you feel as you’re figuring out how to keep someone on their toes is also kind of exciting. Having said that however, I would hope to actually find that familiar comfort of someone who can understand where you’ve been, who just knows where you’re at and who wants to be with you where you are going. Man that sounded sappy!

If it were at all possible to skip past the awkward part in the dating phase and go straight to that, I think I would be all for it. I really don’t deal with the uncertainty thing at all well. This would be a case in point. I am still yet to find the guy however that can totally knock my socks off. Especially as I have always wondered how one actually does accomplish the knocking off of socks. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see though. Bugger.