Deal Or No Deal

That cute guy you’ve had your eye on for a while finally asks you out and when you’re sitting down to dinner, he reaches over and eats off your plate without asking. You sleep over at your partner’s place for the first time and can’t miss the floor to ceiling porn stash on prominent display in their bedroom. You’ve been dating someone you seriously think is ‘the one’ and they propose with a cubic zirconium engagement ring…Deal or no deal? We all have standards and prerequisites that we look for in a partner, even if only sub-consciously. Some things are not immediately apparent however so you may find yourself on a date or even in a relationship with someone before you end up hitting on one of those things that you are not prepared to put up with – no matter how hot they are. Basically when you come across a deal breaker.

Maybe you’re having the ex’s discussion with your new boyfriend and you learn that not only do you have several ex-boyfriends but he has several ex-boyfriends as well (if you happen to be hetero). You could be really excited to have a night on the town as you haven’t been on a real date in ages and when your ride turns up in jeans and sneakers he takes you down the road for a slice of pizza. Or you might have agreed to go on a blind date as a favour to your best friend and you find yourself in the company of someone who says “I can’t believe how great this is going. After that first phone call, I thought for sure I’d be outta here after the first drink”. Its those things that inspire the “oh-oh” closely followed by the “na-uh” (is there even a conventional spelling for those sounds??) that leave you in no doubt you will not be dating that person again.

There are actually all sorts of things that get classified as the epitome of the no-go zone. For some people its an action such as cheating or lying, for others it may be a physical characteristic such as having too much hair (or not enough in certain places). It may be a habit they have such as smoking or cutting their toenails in bed. It may also be a circumstance that is unfortunately beyond their control. Whether its something that others might think of as ridiculous though or a requirement all your friends happen to share, most deal breakers are pretty much non-negotiable. Which can be both a good thing and a bad thing. For those unwilling to bend, it may be the thing that saves years of heartache or alternately costs you the love of your life.

Then again there are those who’s so called ‘deal breakers’ are a lot more trivial and a lot less absolute. Which probably really means they’re not so much deal breakers as dislikes or pet hates. I have never given someone the arse because they use copious abbreviations in emails and sms’ for example but I can tell you that it happens to tick me off. Maybe thats just me though.

PowerPoint Packs A Punch

Well in these technologically advanced times we can hook up with someone using sms, we can fall madly in love over the internet and for those of us who happen to be application savvy, there is even the option of breaking up via Powerpoint. No seriously. I read an article by someone who claimed to have done this and although I can perfectly understand the reaction that was received (wouldn’t you be a little offended to say the least?), I can kind of understand the attraction as well. Its sad but true – some individuals out there get all warm and fuzzy when in the presence of a perfectly presented argument. The ability to amass truly insurmountable evidence to support a desired conclusion, and to accompany it with its own subtitles and colour scheme too…well it’s a beautiful thing. Freaky but beautiful.

Apparently the whole thing started out quite innocently. For the author there were a series of niggling doubts, petty resentments and hurt feelings that gradually built up over time with the aid of procrastination and denial. These were for one reason or another jotted down at various intervals until there came a point at which they begged for consolidation and organisation. The relationship was also then at a stage where an ‘I don’t want to do this any more’ definitely wouldn’t have cut it and dating etiquette required a more personal breakup. For this individual, Powerpoint was the answer. After all, would this not show that due consideration had gone into the matter? This would not be a refection of a hasty decision but rather a well thought out and reasoned stance on the relationship in question. You know what they say about the best laid plans though…

Not surprisingly the two part presentation failed to impress. Neither the graphs nor the photo montages won over the intended recipient with their visual representation of a romance gone sour. The messages somehow missed their mark and the bullet points enumerating the good times that were shared did nothing to alleviate the pain inflicted overall. Despite the fact that there was a significant difference between the scathing, acerbic and occasionally virulent notes put to paper and the text imparting the sentiment and feeling on the presentation, the project was not a success. Well, it was in the sense that there was definitely no relationship to be considered afterwards but it was not the kind and gentle let down that was envisaged.

So yeah, in case you ever wondered how to break up with someone, I would suggest that you do NOT try this approach. I can easily understand the desire to express your thoughts clearly and completely. I am aware of how emotions get in the way when it comes down to the crunch and I can not tell you how many times I have actually had conversations with others in my head, rescripting the exchange until it comes out ‘right’. Some things just aren’t meant to be though and others are meant to be face to face.

A Stellar Saturday

Well I must say that I had a pretty good weekend. The Pussycat was up staying with me for a couple of days and we managed to go out and hit the town. Since celebrating my actual birthday with friends and family this year was not really a possibility, we decided to celebrate last Saturday instead. Just the two of us. We headed down to Cockle Bay where we sat by the water and enjoyed a great meal, my sister marvelling at just how much food I can put away when I’m hungry. We caught the fireworks display for the Dove Pink Star Walk, the charity event to raise awareness for breast cancer where a LOT of people were dressed in pink and quite a few were wearing bras on the outside of their clothes. We also ended up checking out a few bars from Bungalow 8 down at the waters edge to Orbit high up at the top of Sydney’s skyline.

There was a pretty good vibe out all round and everyone seemed to be having a good time. The races had been on earlier in the day so there were a lot of men in suits and women in cocktail dresses and fascinators. Actually, by the end of the night, there were a number of men in fascinators too. The crowds out were really cruisy though and we did in fact meet a few people. I ran into my old neighbour who is as lovely as she is gorgeous and I met a man I’ll call Bob who was kind of cute and wanted to know if my sister and I were Brazilian. I’m not sure if that was a line or not. A lot of people do actually ask me about my ancestry, although most assume I’m Italian or Greek. I am actually neither (not so as you’d actually count it) and often explain in my most ocker accent (think Steve Irwin) that I’m an Aussie born and bred.

Anyway, I sincerely doubt that I will be seeing Bob again (based on the fact that there was no details swap and on such a short acquaintance I’m not sure I’d recognise him even if I did see him) but it got me thinking about how you meet people at clubs. For most people it is still hard to just approach others and introduce yourself. If you read some of the advice columns around though, you can contrive a reason easily enough. You can stalk them as they go to the bar, you can “bump” into them or you could use a supposed bet as a pretext to ask them a question and begin a conversation. I’m obviously feeling a bit half-arsed towards the whole dating scene at the moment though cause that just seems like hard work to me. I mean if it comes naturally then that’s fine but to consciously think about it and go out and do it on purpose…right now I think I’ll pass.

I think I might pass on trying to figure out some actions of others too come to think of it. What is the deal when you’re talking to two girls and then announce that you and one of your mates are now going to do a lap of the room but as another other mate approaches, you leave them behind? I’m still not sure whether we were set up, looked over or merely overlooked in the end.

*BTW, I rather shamelessly stole the photo of a Star Walk entrant but I’m not sure who took it.

The Pussycat Needs A Profile

Stupidity doesn’t run in my family. It gallops. Or maybe its just contagious. You see, following my rather unsuccessful attempts to meet someone I could conceivably ‘see’ over the internet dating site RSVP, the Pussycat has now decided that she would also like to try out this phenomenon for herself. Lord knows why. Actually, I do have a fair idea but still. And stupidity is probably the wrong word here. After all, despite my assurances to myself that it was really not the best way for me to meet people last year, I then went back and tried it out a second time. You know, just to make sure. Predictably enough, more idiotic behaviour on my part followed and things didn’t work out this time either. The possibility just sucks you in though and hey, it really does work for some people.

As I have said before however, some other people really don’t have a clue. Some don’t seem to know the difference between ‘descriptive’ and ‘too much information’ and some probably say a lot of things they have no intention of saying. Like I am actually a complete tool with attachment issues. Or I have so much baggage I’d need a warehouse to store it all. But maybe I’m just losing my sense of ‘cute’? I don’t know. I see the tag line ‘Are you my next ex-girlfriend?’ and I think ‘are you advertising the fact that you are planning to dump someone or assume you will be dumped before you even go out?’. Saying something like ‘Guaranteed better than your ex’ would be far more pithy and effective in my opinion. Then again, sometimes the whole reverse psychology thing does work.

I once received a profile from someone who assured me he would forget my birthday, hog the remote, ditch me to hang out with the boys, ring me up whilst completely off his face, never discuss his feelings and well, you get the idea. The whole thing was actually written quite well though and ended up getting a laugh out of me as opposed to a smile. He definitely had the sense of humour thing covered but in the end wasn’t someone I could see myself with. It did give me a couple of ideas though. Which have sprung to mind now that the Pussycat has passed on her site ID* to me. In the interests of offering an opinion on people who have contacted her (not because she needs one mind you, just cause she’d like one), she has given me her ID with the stipulation that I don’t ‘ruin her profile’ and make her ‘sound like an axe murderer’. I figure that leaves things pretty wide open.

I have always been curious what kind of reaction you would get if you promised to always take longer than necessary to get ready, call at least once a day to ask ‘what are you doing’, constantly expect others to pay, only listen to Britney Spears in the car (even his), frequently ask for opinions or advice which are then ignored, make an issue out of never getting wet hair at the beach, refuse to watch anything that doesn’t fall under the ‘chick flick’ heading, complain about clothes/skin/hair/weight etc., get upset over insignificant things, issue unrealistic demands, change your mind constantly AND flirt with absolutely everyone. What do you reckon? Of course I would never actually alter her profile to anything she hadn’t already approved but I can enjoy the thought.

*Just so as you know, she does not call herself ‘Pussycat’.

The Long Weekend

Ok. So I was feeling slightly churlish on the weekend. I was also feeling extremely guilty that I was feeling slightly churlish. And while I’m at it, I was feeling like a bit of a git because I felt both guilty and churlish and its not that big a deal. Or maybe that was I felt like a git because I put myself into this situation in the first place – and now we’re sort of back to the churlish thing again. Basically my plans for Sunday fell through. This happens. My friend was sick, had been for the past week actually, and felt that it really wasn’t a good idea to do anything. This also happens and is totally fair enough. I have to admit however that my first thought was not ‘I hope they’re ok’ but rather ‘typical’ which I’m really not very proud about. I did think ‘I hope they’re ok’ right after that though.

You know its weird, I fully believe that you should never try to change anyone else. I also find myself trying to consciously put myself in others’ place because I am aware that the world doesn’t necessarily see things the way I do. At the same time however, I still sort of expect people to be like me. Or be the way I want them to be. So its hardly surprising really when things don’t turn out quite the way I want. There is a history of this person cancelling on me, and of me initiating the next arrangements. Rightly or wrongly it kind of feels like I’m a bit of an afterthought sometimes which intellectually I think is not the case. Were the situations reversed, I would try to make some gesture towards finding an alternate arrangement but maybe that’s just me.

So you might say I had a few uncharitable thoughts this weekend. If I hadn’t already planned on being in Sydney on Sunday, I would have driven to Canberra and spent some of the long weekend down there. Going down for Sunday afternoon didn’t seem worth it. Had I not felt that history was merely repeating itself (and I was the only thing being palmed off) then I probably would have taken the above more in my stride as well. As it was however, my plans didn’t work out and I was not enjoying one of my finest moments. Maybe it was just an off weekend though, cause I swear, if I didn’t know that I wasn’t in the middle of a PMS attack on the Saturday I might have wondered.

Normally I like walking through the city on sunny weekends, especially around this time of the year when around every corner there is a bride and groom getting their photos taken or a young family out spending time together. On this particular day though it seemed that everywhere I went there was a pregnant woman or a wedding party just ‘in the way’. Hmm…I was just an all round whiny chick this weekend wasn’t I? On the upside though, I did get to check out the Manly jazz festival on Monday. I headed out that way with my camera and my book and just soaked up the sun, sand and jazz. It was a pleasant and relaxing way to finish up the weekend and definitely left me in good spirits. So all in all it was actually a good long weekend.