Four Little Words

People joke that in order for males to understand anything, you have to speak slowly, in short sentences and in words of one syllable. Whilst it’s possible that these guidelines may facilitate the ability to get an idea or a request across - to anybody - it seems to make for some very scary sentences. Especially for guys. There are several sets of four little words which women are inclined to use and which men apparently rarely want to hear.

I’m talking here about things like ‘what do you want?’ and ‘what do you think?’. These questions are often minefields for those who are unaware of why the questions are being asked. It is entirely possible that they should be taken at face value. It is also possible however, that when in reference to something concrete, like the size of one’s behind for example, they may not be the only questions being asked. And things get a little more complicated again when people start referring to the abstract ie. the status of relationships.

Another question which is quite straight forward but reasonably terrifying for many people is ‘do you love me?’. There are actually only two real answers available to you here as it is not an open question but I’ll go you odds that most people still opt for ‘c’ or ‘none of the above’. I mean first of all you have to figure out whether you can in fact answer the question, which for some is much easier said than done. Then you probably end up asking yourself a whole swag of other questions like ‘what do they want to hear?’, ‘what will happen if I answer this way?’, and ‘is this actually what I want?’. And I’m sure the list goes on.

Perhaps one of the most common patterns of four little words though, and one that rarely bodes well at all, is not actually a question. It’s that statement (which often seems to inspire a four letter word actually - even if it is unvoiced), ‘we need to talk’. Its trite and cliché and I must confess that I am thoroughly disgusted at myself for having uttered it recently. I think it’s an appalling way to start a conversation but I felt uncomfortable and it just came out. Oh well, I never said I was perfect. And by way of cheques and balances, I recently had a front row seat to watch a man behaving badly so I don’t feel I’ve let the team down too much.

Having said that though, I am endeavouring not to do it again and I do aim to keep my scary questions to a minimum. After all, they do say do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Call It Like It Is

They say that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet but does that also hold for people? Are there really meanings which reflect the person or is it purely coincidental that my friend and I have dated different people of the same name and have had somewhat similar experiences? Do people actually choose partners or choose not to be with others on the basis of their name? These are all questions that I have asked and have still not found the answers to.

I first started thinking about this when I met a guy named Tom. We got along well and contact details were exchanged. The next time I spoke to him however, he was kind of sheepish and said he had something to confess. Apparently his name wasn’t actually Tom. It was Harry. He was very apologetic about the whole thing though and explained that it was actually necessary to mislead me on the night. What I found interesting however was that when he was asking if that was alright, he seemed to be asking if I minded that he had a different name rather than the fact that he had lied.

Unfortunately Tom-who-was-Harry-and-shall-now-forever-be-known-as-Dick and I have not stayed in contact. I can say though that it had nothing to do with his name. Quite frankly I find that a rather bizarre concept. I suppose I could understand someone being attracted by a surname (I know a girl who almost thought twice about turning down a date when she found out the guy was a ‘Brosnan’ of the 007 ilk) and there are plenty of people out there who chase those who have household names but still…dating someone just because you’ve always wanted to go out with a ‘Ryan’?

On the other hand, after seeing someone who we’ll just call Wally and hearing all too familiar tales of woe from my friend who had her own Wally, if it ever looks likely that I’d hook up with someone who also shared that name, I would be doubly cautious. I would not dismiss them out of hand and I am aware that my reaction to their name would not exactly be fair but no one ever said life was meant to be. It sure would be convenient sometimes if it was easier though.

But since relationships can be a bit of a battleground, I had a thought. I have heard people say that your name says a lot about you so in the interest of efficiency, maybe we should just add sub-headings.

Shop Till You Drop

Ever wondered what your groceries say about you? Well, if you happen to have some bananas in the child seat of your shopping trolleys ladies, then it means that you’re single but satisfied. For all you blokes out there however, it means that you’re single and looking. Why the difference? I have absolutely no idea. Maybe its because a woman came up with it and didn’t want to think herself desperate? If you’re actively searching for your perfect match in Coles or Woollies though, then I think you’ve obviously put more than a little thought into it.

And it’s not such a crazy idea. If you head down to your local then it’s likely that for most of the other shoppers there, it will be their local too. Likewise if you choose to head to a more affluent area (if you happen to be looking for that kind of thing). The groceries are slightly more expensive sure, but I can guarantee that there is a slightly different clientele at the Military Road Coles than can be found in the Minto Mall. And what is a couple of dollars here or there, when you’re looking for love amongst the lettuce leaves or having fun flirting over the frozen foods?

As far as I know, there are not too many (if any) supermarkets that organise actual singles nights here. I believe such things have cropped up in the States and parts of Europe though, where shoppers may pick up colour-coded baskets and queue up at special checkouts. Apparently some people cheat by having a scout around for talent first before they pick up a basket but then I guess if people wanted a totally ‘blind’ date then they wouldn’t be pursuing passion at the same time as picking preservatives.

The downside of such a plan is that you may have to increase the amount of times you actually go shopping. There are times we all may need large amounts of ice cream, alcohol, and possibly red meat. There are also times when we actually do need personal items. Its these things however, which we may not want to get caught with on our shopping trip. We may not want to appear cheap when we buy the no name products that taste just the same as the label brands and if you’ve both prunes and laxatives in your basket, well…

If you do decide the supermarket is the way to go though, there is some flirting advice I would offer. Girls, its kitsch but you could always ask guys to retrieve items that are stocked higher up. If you believe a male may be capable of answering, you might also ask for suggestions on recipes (although this possibly might work better for men). And guys, do not start a conversation with ‘so, do you come here often?’. It’s going to sound lame. Do not say something like ‘so, that time of the month huh?’, in reference to a box of tampons in her basket. It will never get you a date. And do not hold a bunch of bananas up to your crotch and say ‘there’s just no comparison, is there guys?’. You will look like a knob.

SWF Seeks...

Over the past two weekends I have been helping out a girlfriend with some flat-hunting. Each Saturday we have gotten up early to collect the rental lists from the local (and often unhelpful) real estate agents and armed with these, have now seen a variety of places, both good and bad. The more we saw however, the more obvious it became that there is a definite knack to understanding the advertisements. For example, a charming, neat and tidy, apartment could be anything but.

In real estate lingo, charming tends to mean that the light fittings and fixtures are original 1970’s or earlier. For neat, read the flat is not as dirty and scratched as it was when the last tenant left and for tidy, read there’s not enough room to actually create a mess in the first place. Property descriptions are not the only things however, that are open to misrepresentation. Anyone looking through singles ads would have to conclude that these should perhaps be taken with a grain of salt as well.

It seems that there are an awful lot of attractive, intelligent, and sensitive people out there in possession of a good sense of humour. Many of them are married or in relationships already (obviously - we all know the good ones are already taken) but those who aren’t (for some completely unknown reason!), are looking. I have to wonder though, if this were really the case, how do you explain people like Larry Emder? Surely if we have so many people out there who are at least intelligent with a good sense of humour, this man would not still be on tv?!?

Even assuming that you may choose to exaggerate somewhat in a personal ad, it’s actually quite hard to sum yourself up in only a couple of words though. What do you say? Younger women will often make a reference to their youth by talking about their looks but to say you look fantastic is fairly subjective. I mean you look this way compared to what? You may be better off saying something like you enjoy humour. Although this isn’t all that clear either. I believe there is a fair bit of difference between John Saffran and Jackass but both may be considered amusing.

When it comes down to it, what you do say is probably as important as what you don’t. You may have to decide whether you want someone to connect with on a physical level or an emotional one and the descriptions you use will help to reflect this. Whether you have or are looking for intelligence, articulation, fun, sensitivity or even passion, whatever you say will be completely open to interpretation. Given that though, why not just go the whole hog? My next one could read 'stunning, witty broad looking for cheeky fun with similar entertaining man - guaranteed better than your ex, don’t miss out!'.

Healthy Relationships

For all those women out there who despair of being single, new research has actually shown that as a result, you will most likely be healthier and live longer than your married counterparts. For years it has been widely accepted that married people had better social contacts and more social activities producing a healthier lifestyle overall, but perhaps wedded bliss is not everything its cracked up to be?

Whether marriage increases your stress levels as you worry about your partner or alters your workload as you pitch in with perhaps more than your fair share of the housework, I don’t know. What the statistics do show however, is that spinsters, widows and divorcees are not shrinking violets with but half a life to call their own. They are living balanced lives amongst their peers and they are living them longer. Although it is only the women who are affected this way it seems. There is no apparent correlation with married and unmarried men.

For all that though, I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a comforting thought. Sure, it’s great to live out a long healthy life. And being single may give you more of an opportunity to do whatever whenever you want. But I still think that I wouldn’t particularly want to live out my life alone. My mind hasn’t actually been changed on that point. It’s not fun to constantly be the third wheel to couples and lets face it, society is just not geared for singles. Your insurance is more expensive, your tax breaks aren’t necessarily as good (although to be fair, some people are better off) and it can be easy to create the wrong impression when you bring a female along as your ‘date’.

On the other hand however, there could be some amusement in being the crotchety old spinster who spies on her neighbours and rings up talkback radio to complain about everything. It might also be entertaining to be the funky aunt who is heaps more fun than the mum. If you are going to be in a minority then you might as well do completely as you wish and make the most of it. You probably won’t really be alone, as the numbers in this category appear to be growing, but there’s no reason why it can’t be fun.

I remember reading a great poem once called When I Am Old I Shall Wear Purple. It’s about a woman who states that when she is of an advanced age, she will do whatever she feels like, even if it shocks others. I think it ends with her saying that she should start practicing now though so she can acclimatise people first. Whether you choose to do this as a single or as part of a double act though, I’m sure this must be one of the real secrets to health and happiness. So if you take it on board - long life to you.

A Tan But No Man

Well after a weekend spent at beaches, bars and other booze-ups (namely the Jazz Festival at the Domain which was actually a little more about the Jazz than the booze - but that doesn’t begin with a ‘b’), I have ended up with one hell of a tan but no new man to write about. Actually, my tan is really more of a burn at the moment, complete with evidence of sunglasses, but after studiously smearing myself with after-sun moisturisers I am now looking a little more pink and a little less red which is about the best I can hope for I think.

Despite the after effects of my weekend however, it was a good one. I can’t say as I noticed any real talent at Jackson’s On George (although the ‘sports section’ may as well be synonymous with ‘bogan bar’ so you get what you pay for I guess) but there was some decent people-watching (or ogling) to be had at the beaches. On the Saturday I was up at Curl Curl for a while which was nice cause its largely inaccessible without private transport. I mostly had my nose stuck in a book but there were still some very fit figures that were so brown, they were obviously local.

A similar bronzed body brigade was also out in force at Manly beach on the Sunday though, only here it was largely interspersed with tourists. These were often recognisable by the fact that they had god awful peeling sunburns because they obviously didn’t believe the Australian sun is different than the European one. What did grab my attention though, were the Capoeira classes being held in front of where I was sitting and the exhibition they put on at the end of the afternoon.

Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art form combining acrobatics, dance, music and song. I watched fascinated as classes of guys did one-handed cartwheels across the beach, backflips and walkovers from crouching positions and as they generally threw themselves into the air in seemingly uncontrolled movement. Actually, I think a lot of it was uncontrolled as they hadn’t quite mastered that bit yet but it was still really interesting. As was the audience reaction.

What a lot of guys really underestimate I think, is how attractive it is to women when you know how to use your body. You don’t have to have perfectly chiselled features or a well defined six-pack. If you have rhythm and coordination (and especially if you can dance), it can win you a lot of points. It’s not the be all and end all of course but these guys down the beach were certainly attracting their fair share of attention. I have also seen the same thing in nightclubs. If a guy really knows how to move, he has a much better chance of picking up. Given that, I really don’t understand why so many men feel it would be ‘gay’ or beneath them to get a few lessons but I suppose it’ll just have to stay one of those mysteries…

Ich Bin Noch Ledig

On my desk at work I have a living language daily calendar. Each day I get a new phrase to learn in German which might possibly come in useful someday. Or not. Today however, I can see ‘I am still single’, which of course happens to be true. And I’m actually ok with that right now. Partly because it’s an unequivocal statement of fact. Its not an ‘I think..’ or an ‘I suppose’, or even an ‘I suppose I think…’. I must say that I am quite familiar (as are my friends) with sentences that begin with those words at the moment, as I have been rather undecided about a few things recently.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been flirting with the idea of becoming shall we say un-single. Although one step forward and two steps back may be a more accurate way to describe things. Since finding myself in certain situations, I have been asking myself all sorts of questions like what do I want, what do I need, what would I like, am I being fair, am I being neurotic, do I think too much and of course, what am I going to do? Which all seems a bit over the top really when you take a step back, but there you go.

I’m not necessarily proud of my apparent need to over-analyse everything but at least I can recognise it. And now having taken a step back, I’m not sure that I can actually answer all of those questions anyway. It almost takes the fun out of it really. There are a few things however, which have come out of various discussions that I found interesting. Some people for example are quite happy to jump right into a relationship with people they don’t already know. They are comfortable exploring the possibilities within the bounds of that relationship whereas others would definitely prefer to get their feet wet first. My history tends to indicate that I am the latter.

Another thing I noticed is the different ways people approach uncertain situations. There is one school of thought that says you’ll never know unless you give it a go and what have you really got to lose. The credo of the explorers among us who perhaps value variety and experience (within one relationship or many). Then there are those who would swear by their gut. Regardless of what you think might (or might not) be a good idea, the ‘butterfly’ battalion believe that if you don’t feel it, don’t go with it.

I believe there is some ground in the middle of these two but I guess each of us has to (and will ultimately) decide how we would like to live our lives. And I guess I shall go on as I have been, that is of course until I find something better.

The Hollywood Solution

How do you solve a problem like Maria? Well, Rogers and Hammerstein married her off. Even if The Sound Of Music wasn’t based on a true story, they still would have married her off. It seems there are only so many things you can do with a major (single) female protagonist of marriageable age at the end of a feature. And it usually doesn’t include the female in question sitting around saying well I’m glad I’ve still got my friends and my health.

With all the Meg Ryan’s and Julia Roberts’ out there, it appears as though singleness is a condition just waiting to be cured. I mean women don’t sell caper movies. We’re not Clint Eastwood’s and we’ll never be WWI soldiers. But for the kinds of genres we do star in more often, romance is quite often present in some form or another. Actresses such as Angelina Jolie seem to be forging the way for the strong, single woman who is still single at the end of the picture but those movies remain the exception to the rule.

Basically, for writers who wish to avoid the issues of love and matrimony there seem to be two other choices. Death and insanity. Thelma and Louise for example were killed off at the end of their picture but as death is after all somewhat depressing, its not always an appropriate way to wrap things up. With movies such as Fatal Attraction or The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, the solution is to make the woman so completely nuts we really don’t think she deserves a relationship anyway.

So when we go to the cinema for escapism and get involved with a female character, we pretty much expect for her to end up with someone. We are not bothered if she is a witty, butt-kicking heroine in her own right but we like to know the emotional side is taken care of too. And apparently this means a man. Is this what we really believe though or what Tinseltown would have us think? Surely women on their own can be exciting, inspirational and popular? I would also hope that us singles are not all doomed to be portrayed as desperate and neurotic slappers…

On the other hand though, I do quite enjoy my chick flicks and the ability to live vicariously through characters with more social life than I have at the moment. I also like being able to believe that things usually work out in the end and there will be someone to come home to. Don’t we all?

If The Key Fits (Part Two)

Now I should tell you about the event itself I suppose. It actually started at 8pm but my confirmation email said to turn up at 7:30. Apparently this was so I could feel fashionably late when I actually arrived on time. I obviously missed this bit of social etiquette however and ended up wandering Oxford Street for half an hour freezing my butt off and getting beeped at by stupid men in cars and hoping I didn't end up getting even more sick than I already was. At 8 o'clock however, I passed the name check at the door from the girl who seemed so sure someone would try sneak in (she was constantly trying to cover the guest list) and the male bouncer who appeared to be moonlighting as the fashion police.

Inside, I was presented with a small padlock (like those used for luggage) on a piece of ribbon. And that was it really. The rest was up me. I then grabbed a drink off the bar and jumped right in. Well, figuratively speaking at least. The whole lock and key thing acts as an ice breaker really, so you can feel comfortable approaching anyone there and know they won't tell you to rack off. You can also assume that they're single so if you think they're hot stuff you can try to hit on them - and people were, trust me. I saw a few people who were lip-locked by the end of the night. Most people were really friendly though and you often exchanged a bit of conversation as well as checking if your hardware matched. There were people you had no connection with but with these you only tried for a lock and key match before you moved on.

On arrival, where as all the girls got padlocks, all the guys got keys. The aim of the game (as well as meeting a whole heap of people) was to circulate and find the key to match the lock. Very Freudian I know. Also an opening for most guys to go on about the size of their keys when they didn't fit the locks. Uh-huh. As soon as you did find a match however, you took your lock and key to the main desk to exchange them for a new (unmatched) lock and key and entered into the draw for prizes. Then you started the whole thing again. Some people were really into it and matched heaps of times but others were more happy to soak up the atmosphere (or was that the free alcohol?). I guess I was somewhere in the middle. I matched a few times, even twice with the same guy. Although seeing as locks and keys that had previously matched were given out at the same desk, if you just hung around the area, it really wasn't hard to match again reasonably soon.

There were at least 200 people there though and it was comfortably crowded. People were mostly in their mid-late 20's I think but some were either older or younger. Everyone seemed to be having a really good time though. There were a couple of people I talked to who felt really outside their element, and one guy who just seemed shocked that so many single, good-looking people were all in the one place, but the atmosphere on the whole was great.

For my own part, I think I would have had a truly fantastic night if I hadn't been recovering from a cold and I'd had a few friends there. It was definitely less exhausting than the speed dating with everyone being a lot more laid back and relaxed. As the night was held in a terrace building, there was a rocking party upstairs and a more schmoozing thing going downstairs. The venue was also pretty central to other places you might want to go out to afterwards. When the event ended at 11pm though, I chose not to kick on but to go home and recover. But even though I didn’t meet my perfect match, I’m glad I went.

If The Key Fits (Part One)

Well, for all those who thought I went out on a limb to try speed dating, I have also sampled one of the other scintillating events available on the singles scene (well actually, scintillating is not really a word I'd use to describe it but it sounded good). So how would I describe it? I guess it was one hell of a party really.

For the company who was hosting, this was their first event of the kind in Australia but I think they tried to play it up like it was the first of 'its' kind as well. Anyone who's been around the scene however will have heard of similar events or maybe even have been to one. I met two guys there who had been to a 'nut and bolt' party which is pretty much the same thing. Anyway, my hosts got a few sponsors on board (namely one for free alcohol), some nifty prizes up their sleeve, a hot venue in Oxford Street and as much of their mailing list as they could manage it looked like.

Since I tried speed dating I haven't really found my way off the company’s mailing list apparently. Now, every time they 'do' something like having the ABC film an event (which I didn't want to be a part of), having 60 Minutes film an event (which I really didn't want to be a part of - why announce on commercial television that you're desperate and dateless!?! - besides, I hate being filmed) or hosting a Lock and Key party - I get an email. This last email was really quite amusing though. They wanted to inform me that when I participated in speed dating, I matched with over 70% of the men present! And get this, my 'obvious allure has elevated [me] to "ELITE" status (a.k.a - Hot, confident, sexy… you get the drift)'. And I'm 'exactly the type of person that would have the most amazing time at our "Follow the Rabbit" event'. Just as an aside though, what I want to know is, if I'm so hot, confident and sexy, why have I then been so single? So anyway, I got an email inviting me to spend my money and help make them look good. Oh sorry, that was come to an excellent event and have an awesome time.

The event itself was $50 ($49 to make it sound cheaper) which I figured was actually pretty good as the alcohol was free that night and the prizes weren't bad either. Whether or not you like cars, I think anyone could have a good time with a couple of tickets to the Formula 1 Grand Prix. They also had a Latin group providing the music so I knew I wouldn't be stuck listening to something I hated for three hours. The dress code for the night was strictly sexy and sassy - I obviously passed with a see-through lace top, leather jacket and black pants - and the venue was pretty cool as well. Not real obvious though. If I hadn't had the address I never would have found it. But I guess that just added to the whole exclusive/elite/we're-better-than-you-so-there type thing they were going for.

Common Myth-stakes

‘I don’t eat ice cream when I’ve had a bad day. If I’ve had a really rough day, I’ll play Doom.’ I thought that quote was cool. I don’t actually play Doom myself but I definitely agree with the sentiment. In spite of all the female stereotypes out there that have us consoling ourselves with sugar, wine and that essential food group of pizza, when I’m really upset, sometimes I just want to kick someone’s arse. And I feel if more men knew that, they’d be a lot better off. Any guy who plans to stick around ought to be prepared to go toe to toe if the situation calls for it. Backing off doesn’t often solve a hell of a lot I feel. But that’s just one of the things I think males should know.

It sometimes surprises me the questions guys ask. And the things they assume. Like the fact that women must be incapable of going to the bathroom by themselves. Of course we’re not incapable. That’s just ridiculous. More often than not we use it as a legitimate excuse to separate ourselves from people we may wish to talk about privately. I thought everyone knew that. Occasionally there are other reasons of course, like the fact that there is greater potential to learn any new gossip going around. There is almost always a wait for female toilets, no matter where you are, so you have to talk about something in the queue. There is also the point that if you go with someone, you will not have to go without them later and risk that they might say something when you’re not there. Women can be quite calculating like that.

Despite the fact that women can be calculating and undoubtedly play mind games however, we do not all do it all of the time. I’m serious. Not everything we say is a trick question. If we ask a guy what he thinks about something, it is entirely possible that we actually just want to know. If we ask a guy what he’d prefer to do in a situation, likewise. It seems to be a fairly widespread misconception that women only know the language of double-speak and we are constantly out to trip people up, manipulate or frustrate them. To be honest, I have neither the energy nor the inclination to be bothered. As far as I know, no one I’ve met has always said what they meant but a few have been unfairly accused of not doing it.

The last misconception that I choose to have a gripe about today is the idea that all single women are fixated on finding a partner. The idea that any single woman must be desperate to be in a relationship is, I am sorry to tell you boys, false. I believe its possible that many unattached women may be open to being part of a couple. They may see a healthy relationship and on some level wish they had that for themselves but that doesn’t mean they’ll settle for anything less. Some women are actually quite comfortable with who they are and enjoy the freedom that singledom affords. We really are not unlike some guys in that respect. And funnily enough, we’re not actually an entirely different species either.

In The Wee Small Hours

The great thing about Sydney and new years is that everyone is friendly. The city is full of revellers both resident and transient and they all seem ready to cut loose and celebrate. We all pay tribute to a year completed and departed, and welcome in the new one full of hopes and possibilities. It’s a time of fun and frivolity but also quite a bit of stupidity. I of course was no exception to this. But then again neither were so many other people. As always, NYE was full of picking up, setting down, getting on, slagging off, turning in and putting out in more ways than you could possibly imagine.

When everyone out seemed to be either on the pull or already pulled, it was also a night where it seemed many were employing tactics which might literally save their arse. And from my observations, I can now share the following with you:

The Fake Name: Unless you are well versed in spy school practices, this is more difficult than it sounds. You may only introduce yourself to a new person once but all it takes is a forgetful (or drunk) friend to call you by your real name and blow the whole thing. If you are out with a group of friends however, you are probably best not picking that name you always wanted your parents to give you but rather one that is much closer to your real name. Or you could just try and explain you’re trying to become known by your middle name and your friends are just morons.

The Bodyguard: When dancing in clubs, if you frequently find yourself confronted (or quite possibly rear ended) by slobbering unfortunates who stopped learning words before they got to ‘no’, find a bodyguard. There will usually be at least a couple of people who appear not to be chasing anything that moves or trying to get friendly with various table legs. Ask them politely if they would consent to dance with you to discourage others. Or go and pick someone up yourself.

The Injury: This one is also not as easy as it sounds. Try to remember that if you start limping on your left, keep limping on your left. And if you choose to sit out a dance or prop up the bar, it is best to do it with something (like a table) in front of you. Either that or make sure you’re not at head height for anyone five foot high or taller. If you are merely perched on a bar stool in open space, it is all too easy for anyone to grab you or quite simply just kiss you. And don’t scoff, that happened to my friend.

The Excuse: This one should be quite simple but so many people manage to mess it up. It’s really not that hard to think of something plausible. Usually, the fewer details you give, the better and it’s also a good idea to make it something that you can’t get caught out with later. Don’t for example say you’ve got a boyfriend if you really want to pick up the bloke across the room, you are far better off saying you’ve just seen an ex so you really don’t want to do anything and you really don’t want to talk about it.

And if none of that helps, well I wish you good luck with whatever you do. Perhaps for the rest of you though, these words of wisdom may have arrived a little too late for 2004 but there’s always the new year. Hope you have a happy one!