Safety First

From the time we are children, a large part of our education is directed towards helping us to identify potential danger so that we can remain healthy, if not happy. We are warned about Stranger Danger, told we should Slip, Slop, Slap and to ensure we Clickety-Clack Front and Back. We are also advised that we should always Stop, Look and Listen. As we grow older, these lessons are no less relevant, and in the case of Stop, Look and Listen, can be considered good advice for more than merely crossing the road.

Personally, I believe these are crucial words of wisdom for anyone who is dating or even thinking about it. It is all too easy to find yourself in conflict with someone because you haven’t been paying attention or you assume you know better. And I’m not talking here about trying to decipher some oblique reference or pick up on subtle or nondescript body language. I’m talking here about words like ‘no’, ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, which I think most people would agree are hardly ambiguous.

Let me say that I am speaking on behalf of more than one woman here when I say the following. Funnily enough I meant it when I said I didn’t want your tongue halfway down my ear. It didn’t turn me on and made me think of a drooling dog. You obviously thought I was just playing hard to get as you suggested I must’ve been scared that I liked it a little too much. I would have to ask why though when I threatened severe bodily harm. Next time I will be sure to carry through so you can be sure I’m serious.

And please believe me when I tell you your constant sarcasm ticks me off. When you continually make jokes that belittle, degrade and insult things that I enjoy or care about, it does not exactly endear you to me. Good-natured ribbing can be both entertaining and amusing however to have one’s judgement constantly called into question is tiresome. If I am exhibiting such ‘bad taste’ in some areas, perhaps I should seriously reconsider the company I keep which may possibly make us both a lot happier.

Also, when I expressed my dislike of being wrestled on the floor, I was not trying to use reverse psychology. ‘Stop’ did not actually mean please continue, I’m having so much fun here and ‘don’t’ wasn’t another way of saying I hope you never get tired of this because I think its hilarious. I know I take a while to make my mind up on a few things and I know that I occasionally change it on others but it would really be appreciated if you’d give me the benefit of the doubt on something I tell you I don’t like. That way I won’t have to take matters into my own hands.

N.B. I’ll admit this was inspired by things I’ve been told by several people but I did take a bit of poetic license so apologies to friends who feel they recognise something that may have been misrepresented.