Dumped And Dangerous

According to some, the only way to get over a man is to get under a man. When a relationship ends badly however, that may be the last thing on your mind. Your first impulse may be to wallow in self-pity and drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine and a box of tissues. If so, there are some helpful tips out there of which you may wish to take note.

The first is try to avoid sharp objects in a highly emotional state as you may only end up hurting yourself. The extension of this is of course to avoid taking your frustrations out physically on things that are stronger than you are. It always ends in pain. Doors and fences really don’t give a lot and walls will need replastering. It is also advisable not to hold ritual burnings of reminders anywhere that may threaten your house or leave you suffering from smoke inhalation either. No man should ever be worth that.

Another thing to keep in mind if you’re still hung up on your ex is actually not to communicate with him. Do not ring him to talk to him. Do not ring him and hang up - from your phone or from someone else’s. Do not continually leave messages on his answering service. Don’t email, fax or page him. And while you’re at it, don’t see him either. A restraining order does not mean he secretly cares for you and racking up your phone bill is a waste of money. Of course, as a dumpee if revenge is more your style, then it’s a whole different ball game.

It’s almost scary that there is actually advice out there on this topic. There are those who are more than happy to provide a string of suggestions from manipulation tactics to placing raw fish in his hubcaps and steering column. And then there are those who are really devious. According to Revenge Lady however, there are rules (or guidelines really) that should be followed. At the same time as she advocates being creative and having fun she states that you should never break the law. Karma is a good thing and revenge is excellent self-therapy but you should not perpetrate anything that will come and bite you on the backside later. She does suggest though, that you should cover your tracks well if there’s something of which you’re not exactly proud.

Apparently there is an art to revenge, ensuring that the punishment does in fact fit the crime and does not exceed it in severity. I have heard that the ‘suffering should be equal to the depth and diabolicalness of their transgressions’ but that revenge should not be used to simply get back at someone because a relationship has ended. So whether its masochism or sadism on your mind when a relationship has gone sour, you should remember ‘safety first’ so you don’t end up joining the ranks of the dumped and dangerous. Its quite unattractive. Not to mention scary.

Drunken Musings

The following conversations have amused me for various reasons. I just thought I’d also point out though, that since they occurred whilst I was admittedly under the influence, I may have actually gotten them wrong.

(with a best friend’s boyfriend - who is definitely committed to his girlfriend):
Now Gauchegirl, you know you’re a very attractive young lady…
Well I’m flattered you think so.
No, you are. I mean you’re hot. Really.
Well thankyou then.
You must get heaps of guys after you.
Well I guess I don’t do that badly but I definitely wouldn’t say I get heaps of guys.
Would you say that you know when guys are interested though?
When its so obvious you could hit me over the head with it, yeah. Otherwise I pretty much don’t have a clue.
Really?
Why?
Well what would you do when you’re not interested?
Depends, if they haven’t actually said anything, I’d probably try to discourage them. I hate feeling awkward so if I get unwanted attention I'd probably head in the opposite direction.
So you’re not interested in going out with anyone?
I didn’t say that.
So you are.
Up to a point. But to be honest, I’m not sure I’d know what to do with a guy if I did have one.
Are you serious?
Only in the figurative sense.

(with one of my girlfriends):
Gauchegirl, I’m really drunk.
I know honey, me too.
No you’re not, you can walk straight.
Well yes. You can’t though, you need to sit down.
Why does my life always turn out like this?
You skulling a Black Death followed by a beer chaser?
No. Still single. I want Tony.
Well maybe it just wasn’t meant to work out...
Well if I can’t have Tony, can I have Jay?
No. It doesn’t work like that.
Why not?
Because it doesn’t.
Can’t I just kiss him?
No.
Why not?
Do you trust me?
Yes.
Because it’s a really bad idea and you’ll regret it tomorrow.
Oh, ok.

(with a random):
I’ve been told I’m a very well behaved drunk.
What are you like when you’re drunk?
I flirt and I smile a lot.
So are you there now?
What do you think?
I think you’re flirting with me.
You’re sharp as a tack, you know that?
And good looking too.
Not to mention modest.
I think we could have fun together.
Well you certainly might make an interesting chapter in my autobiography.
I’m flattered.
You should be. You started off as a footnote.

Schlampe Alert At The Löwenbräu

Had you been at the Löwenbräu Keller on Saturday night, you might have seen me. I was not the girl with the incredibly short skirt and the low cut top. I was also not the girl who looked like she was trying to make out with the support beam on the dance floor. I was however doing a little dirty dancing of my own with my partner in crime, Naughty M, who was more than happy to attract a little attention with me. Saturday was my night off and I had fun!

It was the first time I had actually been to the Löwenbräu but it probably won’t be the last. The underground bar reminds me a lot of a place I used to work and anywhere that plays flashback hits that I can sing along loudly (and possibly badly) to is all good. Its not everyone’s scene I’m sure but the crowd there was pretty cruisy on the weekend and I had a ball putting on a bit of a display.

I am aware that when I get out on a dance floor with someone else who loves to move, I am more than happy play it up. I am also aware that in the past, some may have thought I was making an exhibition of myself but I just thought I’d point out that whereas yes, I’m flattered by the attention, I don’t actually care, and I dance cause I enjoy it, not to pick up. I do exactly the same thing alone in my flat with the music turned up when the mood takes me.

In addition to that, I don’t do anything indecent that I wouldn’t do were my parents in the room say. For the most part that night, I was actually dancing a combination of salsa, mambo and swing with dips and spins thrown in whenever I could remember how to lead them. As far as I’m concerned, nowhere near enough guys know how to partner dance so a couple of years ago, I started learning how to be a man so I didn’t have to miss out if there was a willing female and no available guy. Its stood me in good stead so far.

And now I’d just like to say kudos to the gentleman who got up and danced with us before he left. He was one of the people who had been watching my group of couples dancing and he obviously decided to come and join in the fun. He had to have been in his late 50’s at least, but he could still jive and we all stopped to watch. Now that was very cool. There should definitely be more men like him around. I have a lot of respect for someone who is happy to jump right in and enjoy life and I think the younger you start, the better.

Na-Na, Na-Na, Na-Na, Na-Na…

Batman! Batman Begins even. I saw the latest one last night. You know, the one with Christian Bale and Katie Holmes. The one where there’s hardly any interaction, let alone chemistry, between the male and female lead until the last five minutes (in my opinion anyway). The one where an unlucky child turns himself into the caped crusader and runs around impersonating a winged rodent (well sort of) so he can beat up bad people.

I liked it. It was a nice diversion for a couple of hours with some mega-bucks worth of special effects thrown in and some nice scenery. Mr Bale himself was not exactly hard on the eyes (which was part of his job really) and the unconscious Katie Holmes was apparently a high point in the movie for some of the male viewers. As I said though, this adaptation of the popular comic wasn’t exactly forthcoming with a believable dynamic between the male and female principles.

Apparently we are supposed to believe that a close childhood friendship followed by long years of separation (during which time one character was notably hardened), could end in a deep attraction. Seemingly because they crossed each others paths again I suppose. Of course she was idealistic and he was a hero so it must be a match made in heaven right? She doesn’t need to know where he’s been for years on end, or even how he feels it seems.

She also doesn’t appear to be at all put out that he just puts her off whenever he feels like it. He may as well be patting her on the head and telling her not to worry her pretty little self about everything. Trust me, I used to be a brain surgeon - or something like that. Ok, I’ know I’m being a bit cynical here but isn’t true love supposed to have a bit more fireworks? I don’t think explosions are quite the same thing. But then again, this movie was not about that relationship so perhaps that’s too harsh.

In the interest of keeping a movie entertaining, fast paced and cohesive, certain things need to be sacrificed for the greater good. I don’t need to know why she thinks he’s the ants pants or to see her character ‘understand’ his. I just need to suspend all belief to see that as a woman, if I too am righteous, I will find my own hero. There may be problems and I may have to wait in line but well, just like my hair - it won’t happen overnight but it will happen, right? So overall I give the movie a thumbs up but was it a totally fulfilling experience? No, I have to wait for the sequel.

BB

So I bought myself a used car today. I was in the market for something that would fit my current needs and wouldn’t require me to over extend myself. Apparently I ended up with a bargain. In the grand scheme of things, it all happened rather quickly really, because I only started looking on Saturday, but it wasn’t a decision that I happened to take lightly.

There were lots of things I considered before signing my life away on the dotted line. Initially on approaching the car I decided on, I took in the appearance of the vehicle itself (I had nothing else to go on at that stage really). The car was clean with no obvious damage or problems that I would have difficulty with and looked as though it would suit me well.

I noted from the sheet that the car was relatively new, being a late model from the year before last (as opposed to older than me by way too many years like my first car) and that there was extremely low mileage. The amount of time your car has spent running around for somebody else is often a point to be considered. As is whether it encountered problems doing so.

I also noted that it was a sound car (it had inspection stickers to that effect) and came with various protection which meant I wouldn’t have to be worried about it falling apart on me. The car was still covered by warranties which served as an added comfort to myself and it could be considered fortunate that there were not a plethora of previous owners. I am actually fairly sure that said owners took good care of the car when they were in possession of it as well.

So all in all, the car appeared to be a good bet. We fit together nicely, neither being too big or small for the other and the test drive boded well for the future. I think BB (my Baby Beep Beep Blue Barina Buddy) could be good for me so in turn I will ensure that I can take care of us (calling AAMI and the NRMA etc). After that, it should all be on for young and old.

And that actually describes attitudes and thoughts that may or may not be applicable at all in other situations, now doesn’t it? It was just a thought.

Making I-Contact

I read an interesting article the other day about first dates and the stresses that surround them. How people are usually nervous as they try to be cool, calm and collected at the same time as being energised, exciting and entertaining. How people frantically try to remember to do this, avoid that and say all the right things to their date as well as be aware and on the lookout for any signs that things are about to go pear-shaped. How people often forget to ask one of the most important questions. A question you don’t actually ask your date.

I know that when I meet new people, I often have a very outward focus. Do they like me? What do they think of me? If I act this way will they go ‘she’s an idiot’? I will find myself worrying about what I say, what I do and ultimately what impact that will have on the other person or the circumstance we find ourselves in. Overanalysing situations that are in essence not actually that complicated, for a long time, one of the last things I thought to ask myself was how I felt.

As they say, it takes two to tango but for some of us, we have to learn to identify ‘what am I really feeling with this person?’. It may sound selfish but it is an important thing to know. When you are sitting down with your date, you should always take a minute to ask are you actually comfortable with this person? Do you feel as though you could tell them anything or is there something that is just not quite right? Are you attracted, excited, nervous or anxious? Is this something you would be happy pursuing or does it feel wrong?

The article states that making this so called ‘I-contact’ is far more important than making ‘eye-contact’ on your date. Feelings are information and your feelings are going to be essential in making the best decision on how to proceed with a relationship. It is quite possible that you will have a mix of positive and negative feelings towards a new acquaintance but if you consider the question of how you feel with the other person, your gut instinct will often be your best guide. You should always pay attention to ‘uncomfortable, unpleasant, or unwanted feelings or sensations’ because if you don’t, what serves as a red flag now may become a big problem later.

So in the interest of a fulfilling relationship, next time you are worrying exactly what someone else thinks, take a minute to identify how you are actually feeling. Its not always an easy question to answer but the more practice you get at it, the better off you’ll be. And then after you understand what you feel, you can start worrying about what makes you feel that way…

Date Like A Demon

Having previously touched on reasons why one might wish to remain single, I would now like to give you some reasons why you may wish to date. And by dating I do not mean a committed or serious relationship but having a go and putting yourself on the market. I don’t believe that going on a date actually obligates you do anything more than show up (hopefully with an open mind), so in the long run, you really do have much to gain.

Two good reasons to get out there are to see whom you attract and to whom you are attracted. Dating gives you a way to figure out the kinds of qualities that really appeal to you or things that perhaps you never realised you couldn’t live with. Often things will seem different when you are seeing them first-hand as opposed to thinking about them objectively and this can be quite helpful. Likewise it can be advantageous to see whom you attract because if you find you are constantly attracting incompatible mates, you may need to look at the way you interact with others.

Dating also provides an excellent opportunity to learn about yourself, get comfortable and practice setting boundaries. People frequently find that it takes a certain amount of adjustment to consider yourself as part of a partnership rather than solely independent. It also takes a certain amount of balance to maintain your own personality and dating is the best way to learn this. We all need to learn how to stay in touch with our feelings, how to say yes or no to someone else and to interact with others in a manner that will not threaten a relationship.

Another important reason to actively go out and date is that you can expand your social circle. If you never do anything but work and sleep, you may not be providing yourself with any possibilities for meeting a potential partner. When you date someone, you may quickly find out that they are not your perfect match but they may just have a best friend or a work colleague, or get you in the right place at the right time to meet that special someone.

In addition to the above reasons, should you decide to start a mass dating campaign, you will be able to get a sense of all the possibilities out there. Finding others in your situation, you will realise that you are definitely not alone and that there all sorts of people who may be looking for the same thing you are. You will get a chance to see that there are people who don’t fit the narrow stereotypes of bitchy women or uncommunicative men and dating will enable you to feel desirable when you find people who want to get to know you and spend time with you.

By far the best reason though is to have fun. When you date, you are more likely to make time for the fun things in life. You may go to dinner, concerts, movies or to other places of interest to you. You will get the chance to enrich your life by experience and with all the other advantages, what have you really got to lose?

Its OK To Say Hey

What is it about some bars that make them sleazy pick-up joints? And what is it about others that make them really cruisy and fun? Is it merely the crowd present at any given time, the atmosphere at the venue or a mixture of both? Whatever it is, Hotel Chambers does it well on a Friday night. I recently had the opportunity to check it out and I had a great time.

This downstairs lounge bar is a place for the corporate suits to sit back and schmooze during the week but every Friday night around ten, they pump up some Latin beats and it turns into one of the most happening salsa clubs in town. The dance floor is packed with people shaking it for all they’re worth and I can tell you that its gets hot in more ways than one. Unlike some other places I’ve been though, its also really friendly.

Not everyone there actually dances. There are those people who go only to watch or grab a drink or two and just catch up with friends. It occasionally takes a while to get to the bar but its not as if these nothing to look at while you wait. And then there are the dancers. If you’re that way inclined, there is ample opportunity to strut your stuff and burn the floor. You may even make some new friends.

I actually ended up dancing with four or five different guys that night, all of whom I had never met before. They simply asked me if I’d like to dance and then proceeded to throw me round the floor in the best possible way. It wasn’t cheap or sordid and I never felt as though these guys were just trying to crack on to me. Dancing salsa, you tend to grant your partners a little more liberty with your person than you would normally anyway but I never felt uncomfortable. And that was the thing that really struck me about the night.

Too many times you go out and see people that you wish you could talk to. Ok, so you might also want to pick them up but at the very least, you’d like to actually speak to them too. We seem to spend a lot of time worrying however, that we’ll be knocked back or ignored and basically embarrassed. Although I’m as guilty as the next person in this respect for chickening out of approaching people, I don’t think it has to be this way. I think maybe if we all got more practice actually talking to people it might be easier to get to know them.

So now I just have to remember my own advice. Next time I go out and I see someone or make eye contact with them, I should maybe think about saying hello for a change. A smile is the same in any language and it should always be ok to say ‘hey’.